Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 1, Complete eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 1,359 pages of information about Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 1, Complete.
(Great applause.) But no; she takes up a broken ploughshare and escapes!  (A slight tendency to hiss.) Now he seizes her hair, he throws her down.  Ah! see how the blood streams from her——.” (Intense delight as the woman falls flat upon the boards, supposed to be overcome with dread.) A bloody knife, of course, next enters, grasped by the villain; who, as usual, remarks he is sorry for what has happened, but it can’t be helped, and must be made the best of.  The woman having suddenly recovered, escapes into an additional private box, or trunk, placed on the stage for that purpose; stating that she will see what is going on from between the cracks.  The villain then murders the child, and walks off with his hands in his pocket; leaving, as is always the case, the fatal knife in a most conspicuous part of the stage, which for some seconds it has all to itself.  The farmer comes in, takes up the knife, and falls down in a fit, just in time for the constables to come in and to take him up for the murder.  The wife jumps out of the box, and by her assistance a tableau is formed for the act-drop to fall to.

Our readers, of course, guess the rest.  The farmer is condemned to be hanged; and in the last scene he is one of the never-omitted procession to the gallows.  At the cue, “Now then, I am ready to meet my fate like a man,” the screech in that case always made and provided is heard at a distance.  “Hold! hold! he is innocent!” are the next words; and enter the wife with a pair of pistols, and a witness.  The executioner pardons the condemned on his own responsibility; and the villain comes on, on purpose to be shot, which is done by the farmer, who seems determined not to be accused of murder for nothing.

To these charming series of murders we may add that of the Queen’s English, which was shockingly maltreated, without the least remorse or mitigation.

* * * * *

THE TWO LAST IMPORTANT SITTINGS.

Mr. Ross has had the last sitting of the Princess Royal for her portrait, and the Tories the last sitting of Mr. Walter for Nottingham.

* * * * *

SIBTHORPIAN PROBLEMS.

Colonel Sibthorp presents his compliments to his dear friend and fellow, PUNCH, and seeing in the Times of Wednesday last a long account of the extraordinary arithmetical powers of a new calculating machine, invented by Mr. Wertheimber, he is desirous of asking the inventor, through the ubiquitous pages of PUNCH, whether his, Mr. W.’s apparatus—­which, as his friend George Robins would say, is a lot which seems to be worthy only of the great Bidder—­(he thinks he had him there)—­whether this automatical American, or steam calculator, could solve for him the following queries:—­

If the House of Commons be divided by Colonel Sibthorp on the Corn Laws, how much will it add to his credit?

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Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 1, Complete from Project Gutenberg. Public domain.
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