Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 1, Complete eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 1,359 pages of information about Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 1, Complete.

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NOT A STEP FA(R)THER.

The diminutive chroniclers of Animalcula-Chatter, called small-talk, have been giving a minute description of the goings on of His Grace of Wellington at Walmer.  They hint that he sleeps and wakes by clock-work, eats by the ounce, and drinks and walks by measure.  During the latter recreation, it is his pleasure, they tell us, to use one of Payne’s pedometers to regulate his march.  Thus it is quite clear the great Captain will never become a

[Illustration:  “SOLDIER TIRED.”]

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A MALE DUE.

The Post-office in Downing-street has been besieged by various inquirers, who are anxiously seeking for some information as to the expected arrival of the Royal Male.

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CURIOUS SYNONYMS.

Sir Peter Laurie discovered during his residence in Boulogne that veau is the French for veal.  On his return to England, being at a public dinner, he exhibited his knowledge of the tongues by asking a brother alderman for a slice of his weal or woe.

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HAPPY LAND!

Six young girls, inmates of the Lambeth workhouse, were brought up at Union Hall, charged with breaking several squares of glass.  In their defence, they complained that they had been treated worse in the workhouse than they would be in prison, and said that it was to cause their committal to the latter place they committed the mischief.  What a beautiful picture of moral England this little anecdote exhibits!  What must be the state of society in a country where crime is punished less severely than poverty?

  Old England, bless’d and favour’d clime! 
    Where paupers to thy prisons run;
  Where poverty’s the only crime
    That angry justice frowns upon.

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THE NEW STATE STRETCHER.

“What an uncomfortable bed Peel has made for himself!” observed Normanby to Palmerston.  “That’s not very clear to me, I confess,” replied the Downing-street Cupid, “as it is acknowledged he sleeps on a bolstered cabinet.”  The pacificator of Ireland closed his face for the remainder of the day.

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The latest case of monomania, from our own specially-raised American correspondent:—­A gentleman who fancied himself a pendulum always went upon tick, and never discovered his delusion until he was carefully wound up in the Queen’s Bench.

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“VERY LIKE A WHALE.”

The first of all the royal infant males Should take the title of the Prince of Wales; Because ’tis clear to seaman and to lubber, Babies and whales are both inclined to blubber.

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Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 1, Complete from Project Gutenberg. Public domain.
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