Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 1, Complete eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 1,359 pages of information about Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 1, Complete.

4th.  Because “he entered the navy in 1808.”

5th.  Because “he brought home Lord Aylmer in the Pique, in 1835.”

6th.  Because “he ran the Pique aground in the Straits of Belleisle.”

7th.  Because “after beating there for eleven hours, he got her off again.”

8th.  Because “he brought her into Portsmouth without a rudder or forefoot, lower-masts all sprung, and leaking at the rate of two feet per hour!” ergo, he is the fittest man for the representative of Westminster.—­Q.E.D.

THE ENTIRE ANIMAL.

LORD LONDONDERRY, in a letter to Colonel Fitzroy, begs of the gallant member to “go the whole hog.”  This is natural advice from a thorough bore like his lordship.

* * * * *

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

VOL. 1.

FOR THE WEEK ENDING JULY 24, 1841.

* * * * *

A MODEST METHOD OF FORMING A NEW BUDGET

SO AS TO PROVIDE FOR THE DEFICIENCY OF THE REVENUE.

[Illustration:  P] Poor Mr. Dyer!  And so this gentleman has been dismissed from the commission of the peace for humanely endeavouring to obtain the release of Medhurst from confinement.  Two or three thousand pounds, he thought, given to some public charity, might persuade the Home Secretary to remit the remainder of his sentence, and dispose the public to look upon the prisoner with an indulgent eye.

Now, Mr. Punch, incline thy head, and let me whisper a secret into thine ear.  If the Whig ministry had not gone downright mad with the result of the elections, instead of dismissing delectable Dyer, they would have had him down upon the Pension List to such a tune as you wot not of, although of tunes you are most curiously excellent.  For, oh! what a project did he unwittingly shadow forth of recruiting the exhausted budget!  Such a one as a sane Chancellor of the Exchequer would have seized upon, and shaken in the face of “Robert the Devil,” and his crew of “odious monopolists.”  Peel must still have pined in hopeless opposition, when Baring opened his plan.

Listen!  Mandeville wrote a book, entitled “Private Vices Public Benefits.”  Why cannot public crimes, let me ask, be made so? you, perhaps, are not on the instant prepared with an answer—­but I am.

Let the Chancellor of the Exchequer forthwith prepare to discharge all the criminals in Great Britain, of whatever description, from her respective prisons, on the payment of a certain sum, to be regulated on the principle of a graduated or “sliding scale.”

Copyrights
Project Gutenberg
Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 1, Complete from Project Gutenberg. Public domain.
Follow Us on Facebook