Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 1, Complete eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 1,359 pages of information about Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 1, Complete.

Applauding as we do the efforts of the magistrates quoted by Lord BROUGHAM in the cause of Christianity, we yet conscientiously think their system capable of improvement.  When the Rustic Police shall be properly established, we think they should be empowered to seize upon all suspected non-church goers every Saturday night, keeping them in the station-houses until Sunday morning, and then marching them, securely handcuffed, up the middle aisle of the parish church.  ’Twould be a touching sight for Mr. PLUMPTREE, and such hard-sweating devotees.  For the benefit of old offenders, we would also counsel a little wholesome private whipping in the vestry.

Q.

* * * * *

PUNCH’S PENCILLINGS.—­No.  XIII.

[Illustration:  MR. SANCHO BULL AND HIS STATE PHYSICIAN.

“Though surrounded with luxuries, the Doctor would not allow Sancho to partake of them, and dismissed each dish as it was brought in by the servants.”—­Vide DON QUIXOTE.]

* * * * *

SWEET AUTUMN DAYS.

  Sweet Autumn days, sweet Autumn days,
    When, harvest o’er, the reaper slumbers,
  How gratefully I hymn your praise,
    In modest but melodious numbers. 
  But if I’m ask’d why ’tis I make
    Autumn the theme of inspiration,
  I’ll tell the truth, and no mistake—­
    With Autumn comes the long vacation. 
  Of falsehoods I’ll not shield me with a tissue—­
    Autumn I love—­because no writs then issue.

  Others may hail the joys of Spring,
    When birds and buds alike are growing;
  Some the Summer days may sing,
    When sowing, mowing, on are going. 
  Old Winter, with his hoary locks,
    His frosty face and visage murky,
  May suit some very jolly cocks,
    Who like roast-beef, mince-pies, and turkey: 
  But give me Autumn—­yes, I’m Autumn’s child—­
    For then—­no declarations can be filed.

* * * * *

TOM CONNOR’S DILEMMA.

A TRUE TALE.

SHOWING HOW READY WIT MAY SUPPLY THE PLACE OF READY MONEY.

Tom Connor was a perfect specimen of the happy, careless, improvident class of Irishmen who think it “time enough to bid the devil good morrow when they meet him,” and whose chief delight seems to consist in getting into all manner of scrapes, for the mere purpose of displaying their ingenuity of getting out of them again.  Tom, at the time I knew him, had passed the meridian of his life; “he had,” as he used to say himself, “given up battering,” and had luckily a small annuity fallen to him by the demise of a considerate old aunt who had kindly popped off in the nick of time.  And on this independence Tom had retired to spend all that remained to him of a merry life at a pleasant little sea-port town in the West of Ireland, celebrated for its card-parties

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Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 1, Complete from Project Gutenberg. Public domain.
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