The amusements are various, and of a highly intellectual character:  the chief of them being a walk from the esplanade to the east cliff, and a promenade back again from the east cliff to the esplanade.  Donkey-races are in full vogue, insomuch that the highways are thronged with interesting animals, decorated with serge-trappings and safety-saddles, and interspersed with goat-carts and hired flys.  There is a library, where the visiters do everything but read; and a theatre, where—­as Charles Kean is now playing there—­they do anything but act.  The ladies seem to take great delight in the sea-bath, and that they may enjoy the luxury in the most secluded privacy, the machines are placed as near to the pier as possible.  This is always crowded with men, who, by the aid of opera glasses, find it a pleasing pastime to watch the movements of the delicate Naiads who crowd the waters.

Those to whom Brighton is recommended for change of air and of scene get sadly taken in, for here the air—­like that of a barrel-organ—­never changes, as the wind is always high.  In sunshine, Brighton always looks hot; in moonshine, eternally dreary; the men are yawning all day long, and the women sitting smirking in bay-windows, or walking with puppy-dogs and parasols, which last they are continually opening and shutting.  In short, when a man is sick of the world, or a maiden of forty-five has been so often crossed in love as to be obliged to leave off hoping against hope, Brighton is an excellent place to prepare him or her for a final retirement from life—­whether that is contemplated in the Queen’s Bench, a convent, a residence among the Welsh mountains, or the monastery of La Trappe, a month’s probation in Brighton, at the height of the season, being well calculated to make any such change not only endurable, but agreeable.

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CUSTOM-HOUSE SALE.  LOT 1.—­A PORT.

  For sale, Thorwaldsen’s Byron, rich in beauty,
  Because his country owes, and will not pay, “duty.”

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THE HEIR OF APPLEBITE.

CHAPTER VI.

TREATS OF CHALK-AND-QUA-DRILL-OGY.

[Illustration:  E]Entirely disgusted with his unsuccessful appeal to the enlightened British public assembled in the front of his residence, and which had produced effects so contrary to what he had conceived would be the result, Agamemnon called a committee of his household, to determine on the most advisable proceedings to be adopted for remedying the evils resulting from the unexpected pyrotechnic display of the morning.  The carpet was spoiled—­the house was impregnated with the sooty effluvia, and the company was expected to arrive at nine o’clock.  What was to be done?  Betty suggested the burning of brown paper and scrubbing the carpet; John, assafoetida