Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 1, Complete eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 1,359 pages of information about Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 1, Complete.

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SPORTING FACE.

“Well,” said Roebuck to O’Connell, “despite Peel’s double-face propensities, he is a great genius.”  “A great Janus indeed,” answered the liberathor.

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“A RING!  A RING!!”

The political pugilistic scrimmage which recently took place in the House of Congress so completely coincides with the views and propensities of the “universal scrimmage” member for Bath, that he intends making a motion for the erection of a twenty-four-foot-ring on the floor of the House, for the benefit of opposition members.  The Speaker, says Roebuck, will, in that case, be enabled to ascertain whether the “noes” or “ayes” have it, without tellers.

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PUNCH’S GUIDE TO THE WATERING PLACES.—­No. 1.

BRIGHTON

If you are either in a great hurry, or tired of life, book yourself by the Brighton railroad, and you are ensured one of two things—­arrival in two hours, or destruction by that rapid process known in America as “immortal smash,” which brings you to the end of your journey before you get to the terminus.  Should you fortunately meet with the former result, and finish your trip without ending your mortal career, you find the place beset with cads and omnibuses, which are very convenient; for if your hotel or boarding-house be at the extremity of the town, you would have to walk at least half a mile but for such vehicles, and they only charge sixpence, with the additional advantage of the great chance of your luggage being lost.  If you be a married man, you will go to an hotel where you can get a bed for half-a-guinea a night, provided you do not want it warmed, and use your own soap; but it is five shillings extra if you do.  Should you be a bachelor, or an old maid, you, of course, put up at a boarding-house, where you see a great deal of good society at two guineas a week; for every third man is a captain, and every fifth woman “my lady.”  There, too, you observe a continual round of courtship going on; for it comes in with the coffee, and continues during every meal.  “Marriages,” it is said, “are made in heaven”—­good matches are always got up at meal-times in Brighton boarding-houses.

Brighton is decidedly a fishing-town, for besides the quantity of John Dorys caught there, it is a celebrated place for pursey half-pay officers to angle in for rich widows.  The bait they generally use consists of dyed whiskers, and a distant relationship to some of the “gentles” or nobles of the land.  The town itself is built upon the downs—­a series of hills, which those in the habit of walking over them are apt to call “ups and downs.”  It consists entirely of hotels, boarding-houses, and bathing-machines, with a pavilion and a chain-pier. 

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Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 1, Complete from Project Gutenberg. Public domain.
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