VERY PROFITABLE TO READ.

Let our Treatise of Dramatic Casualties be that which treateth of the misfortunes contingent upon the profession of dramatic authors.  Now, of unfortunate dramatic authors there be two grand kinds—­namely, they that be unfortunate before the production of their works, and they that be unfortunate after the production of their works.

And first, among them that be unfortunate before the production of their works may he enumerated—­

    1.—­He that, having but one manuscript of his piece leaveth the
        same with the manager for inspection, and it falleth out that
        he seeth it no more, neither heareth thereof.

    2.—­He that having translated a piece from the French, and bestowed
        thereon much time, findeth himself forestalled.

    3.—­He that, having written a pantomime, carrieth it in his pocket,
        and straight there cometh a dishonest person, who, taking the
        same, selleth it for waste paper.

    4.—­He that presenteth his piece to all the theatres in succession,
        and lo! it ever returneth, accompanied with a polite note
        expressive of disapprobation or the like.

    5.—­He whose piece is approved by the manager, but, nevertheless,
        the same produceth it not, for divers reasons, which do vary at
        every interview.

    6.—­He that communicateth the idea of a yet unwritten drama to a
        friend, who, being of a fair wit, and prompt withal, useth the
        same to his own ends and reapeth the harvest thereof.

And secondly, of them that be unfortunate after the production of their works, there be some whose pieces are successful, and there be some whose pieces are not successful.

And firstly, of unfortunate authors whose pieces are unsuccessful there be—­

1.—­Those who write a piece which faileth through its own demerits,
which may be, as—­

A.—­He that writeth a farce or comedy, and neglecteth to
introduce jokes in the same.

B.—­He that writeth a farce or comedy, and introduceth bad
jokes in the same.

C.—­He that writeth a farce or comedy, and introduceth old
jokes in the same.

D.—­He that writeth a tragedy, and introduceth matter for
merriment therein.

E.—­He that, in either tragedy, comedy, farce, or other
entertainment, shocketh the propriety of the audience, or
causeth a division in the same, by political allusions.

2.—­He that writeth a piece which faileth, though not through its
own demerits, which may be, as—­

A.—­When the principal actor, not having the author’s words by
heart, and being of a suggestive wit and good assurance,
substituteth others, which he deemeth sufficient.

B.—­When the principal actor, not having the author’s words by
heart, and being of a dull and heavy turn, and deaf withal,
substituteth nothing, but standeth aghast, yearning for the
voice of the prompter.