Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 1, Complete eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 1,359 pages of information about Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 1, Complete.
“I have already expressed my opinion, that it is absolutely necessary to adopt some measures for equalising the revenue and expenditure, and we will avail ourselves of the earliest opportunity, after mature consideration of the circumstances of the country, to submit to a committee of the whole house measures for remedying the existing state of things. Whether that can be best done by diminishing the expenditure of the country, or by increasing the revenue, or by a combination of those two means—­the reduction of the expenditure and the increase of the revenue—­I must postpone for future consideration.

Why, Sir ROBERT was called in because he knew the disease of the patient.  He had his remedy about him.  The pills and the draught were in his pocket—­yes, in his patriotic poke; but he refused to take the lid from the box—­resolutely determined that the cork should not be drawn from the all-healing phial—­until he was regularly called in; and, as the gypsies say, his hand crossed with a bit of money.  Well, he now swears with such vigour to the excellence of his physic—­he so talks for hours and hours upon the virtues of his drugs, that at length a special messenger is sent to him, and directions given that the Miraculous Doctor should be received at the state entrance of the patient’s castle, with every mark of consideration.  The Doctor is ensured his fee, and he sets to work.  Thousands and thousands of hearts are beating whilst his eye scrutinizes John Bull’s tongue—­suspense weighs upon the bosom of millions as the Doctor feels his pulse.  Well, these little ceremonies settled, the Doctor will, of course, pull out his phial, display his boluses, and take his leave with a promise of speedy health.  By no means.  “I must go home,” says the Doctor, “and study your disease for a few months; cull simples by moonlight; and consult the whole Materia Medica; after that I’ll write you a prescription.  For the present, good morning.”

“But, my dear Doctor,” cries the patient, “I dismissed my old physician, because you insisted that you knew my complaint and its, remedy already.”

“That’s very true,” says Doctor PEEL, “but then I wasn’t called in.”

The learned Baldaeus tells us, that “Ceylon doctors give jackall’s flesh for consumptions.”  Now, consumption is evidently John Bull’s malady; hence, we would try the Ceylon prescription.  The jackalls are the landowners; take a little of their flesh, Sir ROBERT, and for once, spare the bowels of the manufacturer.


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[Illustration:  PLAYING THE KNAVE.


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Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 1, Complete from Project Gutenberg. Public domain.
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