Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 1, Complete eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 1,359 pages of information about Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 1, Complete.

Had our page ten thousand times its amplitude, it would not contain the briefest register of the changes of that day!

There is a scoundrel attorney, who for thirty years has become plethoric on broken hearts.  The scales of leprous villany have fallen from him; and now, an incarnation of justice, he sits with open doors, to pour oil into the wounds of the smitten—­to make man embrace man as his brother—­to preach lovingkindness to all the world, and—­without a fee—­to chant the praises of peace and amity.

Crib the stockbroker meets Horns a fellow-labourer in the same hempen walk of life. Crib offers to buy a little Spanish of Horns.  “My dear Crib,” says Horns, “it is impossible; I can’t sell; for I have just received by a private hand from Cadiz, news that must send the stock down to nothing.  I am a Christian, my dear Crib,” says Horns, “and as a Christian, how could I sell you a certain loss?”

A mistaken, but well-meaning man, although a tailor, meets his debtor in Bow-street.  A slight quarrel ensues; whereupon, the debtor (to show that the days of chivalry are not gone) kicks his tailor into the gutter.  Does the tailor take the offender before Mr. JARDINE?  By no means.  The tailor is a Christian; and learning the exact measure of his enemy, and returning good for evil, he, in three days’ time, sends to his assailant a new suit of the very best super Saxony.

How many quacks we see rushing to the various newspaper offices to countermand their advertisements!  What gaps in the columns of the newspapers themselves!  Where is the sugary lie—­the adroit slander—­the scoundrel meanness, masking itself with the usage of patriotism?  All, all are vanished, for—­the Morning Herald is published upon Christian principles!

Let us descend to the smallest matters of social life.  “Will this gingham wash?” asks Betty the housemaid of Twill the linen-draper. Twill is a Christian; and therefore replies, “it is a very poor article, and it will not wash!”

We are with Doctor Chalmers for Christianity—­but not Christianity of one side.  “Pray for those who despitefully use you,” say the Corn Law Apostles to the famishing; and then, cocking their eye at one another, and twitching their tongues in their mouths they add—­“for this is Christianity!”


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Her Majesty has, it seems, presented the conductor of the Gazette Musicale with a gold medal and her portrait, as a reward for his constant efforts in the cause of music (vide Morning Post, Sept. 9).  From this, it may be supposed, foreigners alone are deemed worthy of distinction; but our readers will be glad to learn, that Rundells have been honoured with an order for a silver whistle for PUNCH.  His unceasing efforts in the causes of humbug, political, literary, and dramatic, having drawn forth this high mark of royal favour.

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Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 1, Complete from Project Gutenberg. Public domain.
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