Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 1, Complete eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 1,359 pages of information about Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 1, Complete.

PUNCH.—­You have been represented as a very noisy and turbulent fellow.

SIB.—­Meek as a lamb, my lord, except when I’m on the saw-dust; there I acknowledge, I do crow pretty loudly—­but that’s in the way of business,—­and your lordship knows that we public jokers must pitch it strong sometimes to make our audience laugh, and bring the browns into the treasury.  After all, my lord, I am not the rogue many people take me for,—­more the other way, I can assure you, and

  “Though to my share some human errors fall,
  Look in my face, and you’ll forget them all.”

PUNCH.—­A strong appeal, I must confess.  You shall have your license.

The successful claimant having made his best bow to Commissioner Punch, withdrew, whistling the national air of

[Illustration:  “BRITONS, STRIKE HOME.”]

* * * * *

A fellow named Peel, who has been for many years in the habit of exhibiting as a quack-doctor, next applied for liberty to vend his nostrums at the fair.  On being questioned as to his qualifications, he shook his head gravely, and, without uttering a word, placed the following card in the hands of Punch.

TO THE GULLIBLE PUBLIC.

SIR RHUBARB PILL, M.D. and L.S.D.

Professor of Political Chemistry and Conservative Medicine to the

CARLTON CLUB;

PHYSICIAN IN ORDINARY TO THE KING OF HANOVER!!!

Inventor of the People’s Patent Sliding Stomach-pump;—­of the Poor Man’s anti-Breakfast and Dinner Waist-belt;—­and of the new Royal extract of Toryism, as prescribed for, and lately swallowed by,

THE MOST ILLUSTRIOUS PERSONAGE IN THESE DOMINIONS.

Sir Rhubarb begs further to state, that he practises national tooth-drawing and bleeding to an unlimited extent; and undertakes to cure the consumption of bread without the use of

A FIXED PLASTER.

N.B.—­No connexion with the corn doctor who recently vacated the concern now occupied by Sir R.P.

Hours of attendance, from ten till four each day, at his establishment,
Downing-street.—­A private entrance for M.P.’s round the corner.

* * * * *

Ben D’Israeli, the proprietor of the Learned Pig, applied for permission to exhibit his animal at the fair.  A license was unhesitatingly granted by his lordship, who rightly considered that the exhibition of the extraordinary talents of the pig and its master, would do much to promote a taste for polite literature amongst the Smithneld “pennyboys.”

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Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 1, Complete from Project Gutenberg. Public domain.
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