Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 1, Complete eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 1,359 pages of information about Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 1, Complete.

The first prize was awarded to Master Palmerston, for a successful design for completely frustrating certain commercial views upon China, and for his new invention of auto-painting.  Prize:  an order upon Truefit for a new wig.

Master John Russell was next called up.—­This talented young gentleman had designed a gigantic “penny loaf;” which, although too immense for practical use, yet, his efforts having been exclusively directed to fanciful design, and not to practical possibility, was highly applauded.  Master Russell also evinced a highly precocious talent for drawing—­his salary.  Prize:  a splendidly-bound copy of the New Marriage Act.

The fortunate candidate next upon the list, was Master Normanby.  This young gentleman brought forward a beautiful design for a new prison, so contrived for criminals to be excluded from light and society, in any degree proportionate with their crimes.  This young gentleman was brought up in Ireland, but there evinced considerable talent in drawing prisoners out of durance vile.  He was much complimented on the salutary effect upon his studies, which his pupilage at the school of design had wrought.  Prize:  an order from Colburn for a new novel.

Master Melbourne, who was next called up, seemed a remarkably fine boy of his age, though a little too old for his short jacket.  He had signalised himself by an exceedingly elaborate design for the Treasury benches.  This elicited the utmost applause; for, by this plan, the seats were so ingeniously contrived, that, once occupied, it would be a matter of extreme difficulty for the sitter to be absquatulated, even by main force.  Prize:  a free ticket to the licensed victuallers’ dinner.

The Prince then withdrew, amidst the acclamations of the assembled multitude.

* * * * *

A HINT TO THE NEW LORD CHAMBERLAIN.

There is always much difference of opinion existing as to the number of theatres which ought to be licensed in the metropolis.  Our friend Peter Borthwick, whose mathematical acquirements are only equalled by his “heavy fathers,” has suggested the following formula whereby to arrive at a just conclusion:—­Take the number of theatres, multiply by the public-houses, and divide by the dissenting chapels, and the quotient will be the answer.  This is what Peter calls

[Illustration:  COMING TO A DIVISION.]

* * * * *

VOCAL EVASION.

LADY B——­ (who, it is rumoured, has an eye to the bedchamber) was interrogating Sir Robert Peel a little closer than the wily minister in futuro approved of.  After several very evasive answers, which had no effect on the lady’s pertinacity, Sir Robert made her a graceful bow, and retired, humming the favourite air of—­

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Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 1, Complete from Project Gutenberg. Public domain.
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