Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 1, Complete eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 1,359 pages of information about Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 1, Complete.

HINT 3.—­Oratory is a showy, but by no means necessary, accomplishment in the house.  If a member knows when to say “Ay” or “No,” it is quite sufficient for all useful purposes.

HINT 4.—­If, however, a young member should be seized with, the desire of speaking in Parliament, he may do so without the slighest regard to sense, as the reporters in the gallery are paid for the purpose of making speeches for honourable members; and on the following morning he may calculate on seeing, in the columns of the daily papers, a full report of his splendid

[Illustration:  MAIDEN SPEECH.]

HINT 5.—­A knowledge of the exact time to cry “Hear, hear!” is absolutely necessary.  A severe cough, when a member of the opposite side of the house is speaking, is greatly to be commended; cock-crowing is also a desirable qualification for a young legislator, and, if judiciously practised, cannot fail to bring the possessor into the notice of his party.

HINT 6.—­The back seats in the gallery are considered, by several members, as the most comfortable for taking a nap on.

HINT 7.—­If one honourable member wishes to tell another honourable member that he is anything but a gentleman, he should be particular to do so within the walls of the house—­as, in that case, the Speaker will put him under arrest, to prevent any unpleasant consequences arising from his hasty expressions.

HINT 8.—­If a member promise to give his vote to the minister, he must in honour do so—­unless he happen to fall asleep in the smoking-room, and so gets shut out from the division of the house.

HINT 9.—­No independent member need trouble himself to understand the merits of any question before the house.  He may, therefore, amuse himself at Bellamy’s until five minutes before the Speaker’s bell rings for a division.

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RATHER SUICIDAL.

“The health of the Earl of Winchilsea and the Conservative members of the House of Peers,” was followed, amid intense cheering, with the glee of

  “Swearing death to traitor slaves!”—­Times.

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NOVEL EXPERIMENT.—­GREAT SCREW.

Several scientific engineers have formed themselves into a company, and are about applying for an Act of Parliament to enable them to take a lease of Joe Hume, for the purpose of opposing the Archimedean Screw.  Public feeling is already in favour of the “Humedean,” and the “Joe” shares are rising rapidly.

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PUNCH’S INFORMATION FOR THE PEOPLE.—­NO. 3.

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Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 1, Complete from Project Gutenberg. Public domain.
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