Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 1, Complete eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 1,359 pages of information about Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 1, Complete.
teeth over the r in oR-der, with as much dignity as Sutton, who was the very perfection of Manners, was accustomed to throw into it.  The fatigues of the office are enough to kill a horse, but asses are not easily exterminated.  It is thought that Lefevre has not been sufficiently worked, and before giving him a pension, “the receiver must,” as the chemist say, “be quite exhausted.”  Tiring him out will not be enough; but he must be tired again, to entitled him to a re-tiring allowance.

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DEER SIR,—­As I taks in your PUNCH (bein’ in the line meself, mind yes), will you tell me wot is the meeinigs of beein’ “konvelessent.”  A chap kalled me that name the other days, and I sined him as I does this.

Yours truly,

[Illustration:  HIS MARK.]

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There is something very amusing in witnessing the manner in which the little Jacks in office imitate the great ones.  Sir Peter Laurie has been doing the ludicrous by imitating his political idol, Sir Robert.  “I shan’t prescribe till I am state-doctor,” says the baronet.  “I shan’t decide; wait for the Lord Mayor,” echoes the knight.

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Lord John Russell begs respectfully to inform the connubially-disposed portion of the community, that being about to retire from the establishment in Downing-street, of which he has so long been a member, he has resolved (at the suggestion of several single ladies about thirty, and of numerous juvenile gentlemen who have just attained their majority a second time) to open a


where (from his long and successful experience) he trusts to be honoured by the confidence of the single, and the generous acknowledgments of the married.

Lord J.R. intends to transact business upon the most liberal scale, and instead of charging a per centage on the amount of property concerned in each union, he will take every lady and gentleman’s valuation of themselves, and consider one thousandth part thereof as an adequate compensation for his services.

Ladies who have lost the registries of their birth can be supplied with new ones, for any year they please, and the greatest care will be taken to make them accord with the early recollections of the lady’s schoolfellows and cousins of the same age.

Gentlemen who wear wigs, false calves, or artificial teeth, or use hair-dye, &c., will be required to state the same, as no deception can be countenanced by Lord J.R.

Ladies are only required to certify as to the originality of their teeth; and as Lady Russell will attend exclusively to this department, no disclosure will take place until all other preliminaries are satisfactorily arranged.

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Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 1, Complete from Project Gutenberg. Public domain.
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