Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 1, Complete eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 1,359 pages of information about Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 1, Complete.

Deeply impressed with the importance of the subject, PUNCH has invented a new thermometer, which may be understood by the “people” whom he addresses—­the unlearned in caloric—­the ignorant of the principles of expansion and dilatation.  Everybody can tell, without a thermometer, if it be a coat colder or a cotton waistcoat warmer than usual when he is out.  But at home!  Ah, there’s the rub!  There it has been impossible to ascertain how to face the storm, or to turn one’s back upon the sunshine, till to-day.  PUNCH’S thermometer decides the question, and here we give a diagram of it.  Owing a stern and solemn duty to the public, PUNCH has indignantly spurned the offers of the British Association to join in their mummeries at Plymouth—­to appear at their dinners for the debasement of science.  No; here in his own pages, and in them only, doth he propound his invention.  But he is not exclusive; having published his wonderful invention, he invites the makers to copy his plan.  Mr. Murphy is already busily arranging his Almanac for 1842, by means of a PUNCH thermometer, made by Carey and Co.

  PUNCH’S THERMOMETER.

  THE SCALE ARRANGED ACCORDING TO FAHRENHEIT.

Iced bath                                            110
Cold bath                                             98    Blood heat. 
COAT OFF                                              90
Stock loosened                                        88
Cuffs turned up                                       85
One waistcoat                                         80
Morning coat all day                                  75
ONE COAT                                              65    Summer heat. 
Spencer                                               55    Temperate. 
Ditto, and “Comfortable”                              52
GREAT COAT                                            50
Ditto, and Macintosh                                  45
Ditto, ditto, and worsted stockings                   43
Ditto, ditto, ditto, and double boxcoat and Guernseys 35
Ditto, ditto, ditto, ditto, ditto, and bear-skin coat 32    Freezing. 
Ditto, ditto, ditto, ditto, ditto, ditto and between }
two feather beds all day                        } 0    Zero.

* * * * *

THE SPEAKERSHIP.

The Parliamentary lucus a non lucendo—­the Speaker who never speaks—­the gentleman who always holds his own tongue, except when he wants others to hold theirs—­the man who fills the chair, which is about three times too big for him—­is not, after all, to be changed.  But the incoming tenants of office have resolved to take him as a fixture, though not at a fair valuation; for they do nothing but find fault all the time they are agreeing to let him remain on the premises.  For our own part, we see no objection to the arrangement; for Mr. Lefevre, we believe, shakes his head as slowly and majestically as his predecessors, and rattles his

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Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 1, Complete from Project Gutenberg. Public domain.
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