Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 1, Complete eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 1,359 pages of information about Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 1, Complete.

It is true that there be able and eloquent writers greatly experienced in this noble science, but none have yet been able so to express it as to bring it (as we hope to have done) within the range of the certain sciences.  Henceforward, we trust it will form a part of the public education, and not be subject tot he barbarous modes pursued by illogical though earnest and zealous disciples; and that the great and glorious Constitution that has done so much to bring it to perfection, will, in its turn, be sustained and matured by the exercise of what is really in itself so ancient and beautiful a practice.

VOTING MAY BE CONSIDERED AS

1st.  He that hath NOT A VOTE AND VOTETH; which may be considered,
  1st.  As to his CLAIM, which is divisible into
    1.  He that voteth for dead men.
    2.  He that voteth for empty tenements.
    3.  He that voteth for many men.
    4.  He that voteth for men in the country, and the like.
  2nd.  As to his MOTIVE, which is divisible into
    1.  Because he hath a bet that he will vote.
    2.  Because he loveth a lark.
    3.  Because he LOVETH HIS COUNTRY.
       [Here also may be applied all the predicates under the subjects
        BRIBING, HUMBUG, and PRINCIPLE.]

2nd.  He that hath A VOTE AND VOTETH NOT; which is divisible into
  1st.  He that is PREVENTED from voting, which is divisible into
    1.  He who is upset by a bribed coachman.
    2.  He who is incited into an assault, that he may be put
        into the cage.
    3.  He who is driven by a drunken coachman many miles the wrong way.
    4.  He who is hocussed.
    5.  He who is sent into the country for a holiday, and the like.
  2nd.  He that FORFEITETH his vote, which is divisible into
    1.  He who is too great a philosopher to care for his country.
    2.  He who has not been solicited.
    3.  He who drinketh so that he cannot go to the poll.
    4.  He who is too drunk to speak at the poll.
    5.  He who through over-zeal getteth his head broken.
    6.  He who stayeth to finish the bottle, and is too late,
        and the like.

3rd.  He that hath A VOTE AND VOTETH; which is divisible into
  1st.  He that voteth INTENTIONALLY, which is divisible into
    1st.  He that voteth CORRUPTLY, which is divisible into
      1st.  He that is BRIBED, which is divisible into
        1st.  He that is bribed DIRECTLY, which is divisible into
          1st.  He that receiveth MONEY, which may be considered as
            1.  He that pretendeth the money is due to him.
            2.  He that pretendeth it is lent.
            3.  He who receiveth it as alms.
            4.  He who receiveth it as the price of a venerated
                tobacco-pipe, a piece of Irish bacon, and the like.
          2nd.  He that seeketh PLACE, which may be considered as

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Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 1, Complete from Project Gutenberg. Public domain.
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