Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 1, Complete eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 1,359 pages of information about Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 1, Complete.

UNICORN.—­It’s true—­true as an Act of Parliament.

LION.—­Then are we not obliged to be in the Courts of Law?  In Chancery—­to see the golden wheat of the honest man locked in the granaries of equity—­granaries where deepest rats do most abound—­whilst the slow fire of famine shall eat the vitals of the despoiled; and it may be the man of rightful thousands shall be carried to churchyard clay in parish deals?  Then in the Bench, in the Pleas—­there we are too.  And there, see we not justice weighing cobwebs against truth, making too often truth herself kick the beam?

UNICORN.—­It has made me mad to see it.

LION.—­Turn we to the Police-offices—­there we are again.  And there—­good God!—­to see the arrogance of ignorance!  To listen to the vapid joke of his worship on the crime of beggary!  To see the punishment of the poor—­to mark the sweet impunity of the rich!  And then are we not in the Old Bailey—­in all the criminal courts!  Have we not seen trials after dinner—­have we not heard sentences in which the bottle spoke more than the judge?

UNICORN.—­Come, come, no libel on the ermine.

LION.—­The ermine!  In such cases, the fox—­the pole-cat.  Have we not seen how the state makes felons, and then punishes them for evil-doing?

UNICORN.—­We certainly have seen a good deal that way.

LION.—­And then the motto we are obliged to look grave over!

UNICORN.—­What Dieu et mon droit! Yes, that does sometimes come awkwardly in—­“God and my right!” Seeing what is sometimes done under our noses, now and then, I can hardly hold my countenance.

LION.—­“God and my right!” What atrocity has that legend sanctified! and yet with demure faces they try men for blasphemy.  Give me the pot.

UNICORN.—­Come, be cool—­be philosophic.  I tell you we shall have as much need as ever of our stoicism?

LION.—­What’s the matter now?

UNICORN.—­The matter!  Why, the Tories are to be in, and Peel’s to be minister.

LION.—­Then he may send for Mr. Cross for the oran-outan to take my place, for never again do I support him.  Peel minister, and Goulburn, I suppose—­

UNICORN.—­Goulburn!  Goulburn in the cabinet!  If it be so, I shall certainly vacate my place in favour of a jackass.

* * * * *

UNIVERSITY OF LONDON.

BACHELOR OF MEDICINE—­FIRST EXAMINATION, 1841.

The first examination for the degree of bachelor of medicine has taken place at the London University, and has raised itself to the level of Oxford and Cambridge.

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Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 1, Complete from Project Gutenberg. Public domain.
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