Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 1, Complete eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 1,359 pages of information about Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 1, Complete.

UNICORN.—­It’s true—­true as an Act of Parliament.

LION.—­Then are we not obliged to be in the Courts of Law?  In Chancery—­to see the golden wheat of the honest man locked in the granaries of equity—­granaries where deepest rats do most abound—­whilst the slow fire of famine shall eat the vitals of the despoiled; and it may be the man of rightful thousands shall be carried to churchyard clay in parish deals?  Then in the Bench, in the Pleas—­there we are too.  And there, see we not justice weighing cobwebs against truth, making too often truth herself kick the beam?

UNICORN.—­It has made me mad to see it.

LION.—­Turn we to the Police-offices—­there we are again.  And there—­good God!—­to see the arrogance of ignorance!  To listen to the vapid joke of his worship on the crime of beggary!  To see the punishment of the poor—­to mark the sweet impunity of the rich!  And then are we not in the Old Bailey—­in all the criminal courts!  Have we not seen trials after dinner—­have we not heard sentences in which the bottle spoke more than the judge?

UNICORN.—­Come, come, no libel on the ermine.

LION.—­The ermine!  In such cases, the fox—­the pole-cat.  Have we not seen how the state makes felons, and then punishes them for evil-doing?

UNICORN.—­We certainly have seen a good deal that way.

LION.—­And then the motto we are obliged to look grave over!

UNICORN.—­What Dieu et mon droit! Yes, that does sometimes come awkwardly in—­“God and my right!” Seeing what is sometimes done under our noses, now and then, I can hardly hold my countenance.

LION.—­“God and my right!” What atrocity has that legend sanctified! and yet with demure faces they try men for blasphemy.  Give me the pot.

UNICORN.—­Come, be cool—­be philosophic.  I tell you we shall have as much need as ever of our stoicism?

LION.—­What’s the matter now?

UNICORN.—­The matter!  Why, the Tories are to be in, and Peel’s to be minister.

LION.—­Then he may send for Mr. Cross for the oran-outan to take my place, for never again do I support him.  Peel minister, and Goulburn, I suppose—­

UNICORN.—­Goulburn!  Goulburn in the cabinet!  If it be so, I shall certainly vacate my place in favour of a jackass.

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The first examination for the degree of bachelor of medicine has taken place at the London University, and has raised itself to the level of Oxford and Cambridge.

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Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 1, Complete from Project Gutenberg. Public domain.
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