The Adventures of My Cousin Smooth eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 258 pages of information about The Adventures of My Cousin Smooth.
glowed out the figure of a fat citizen, whom I stared right in the face.  You cannot get cleverly through this world without brass; if in your face you have enough to establish a foundery, so much the better.  It is indispensable in political matters; and, whether right or wrong, the reader can best judge.  I have thought the smaller the politician, the larger were his dealings in the article.  No one could be more cautious how they scandalized their neighbours than I am; this, Uncle Sam, you well know; but I question the policy of being delicate during the reign of Pierce, whose cabinet recalls to my mind the story of the clacking hen, that forever kept up a noise without laying one egg.  To make your way in Washington, you must storm and put to route a whole platform of valiant gentlemen, who have become political images in brass.  As they love you, Uncle Sam, so also would they live upon you, die upon you, be buried at your expense, and their friends be very angry were you not a mourner at the funeral.  This I, Smooth, declare an honest fact, notwithstanding the high respect I entertain for all those patriotic gentlemen who would take such care of my Uncle’s affairs.

“Now, this very phlegmatic and good natured citizen, who stood:  behind the mahogany, had a face as broad and placid as a town-clock seen by moonlight.  His figure, too, was tightly driven into a suit of extravagant cloth, and altogether presented the appearance of having quite recently escaped from the hands of James, his tailor.  It was not in the power of man to analyze his character from what he said, for what he said meant nothing, when judged by the world’s wisdom; but you saw that James had succeeded in making him in love with himself.  Should he chance to read this imperfect sketch, he will excuse me when I say he seemed a person brought up to himself, and entertaining the hope that at no distant day he would become a very important character—­perhaps outshine General Pierce himself.  He looked at me, and I looked at him; then he grinned at me, and I grinned at him.  At last I said, I reckoned we might draw the game.  I then added, that from the look of the establishment I could not be wrong in assuming that they did a large business in the way of feeding hungry politicians and honester people.  ’You may stake some on that, old feller,’ says he, with a suspicious leer.  His nasal was somewhat strong, so I put him down as from Vermont State, perhaps from the more mountainous part of it.  As if shy of my patronage he upon the counter, pompous, spread his hands, as if the mahogany was all his.  This seeming indifference rather touched my dignity, which was of tender quality, so I cast upon him a look he could not misinterpret, inquiring if he could tie a body up for the night in a spare corner.  ’You may bet on that! got a spare pin we can hook ye on somehow, I reckon;’ he ejaculates, sprawling his elbows, and making a support of his fleshy hands, from between which his face peered like

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The Adventures of My Cousin Smooth from Project Gutenberg. Public domain.
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