“’Bless you, Bunkum, you are of the South!—anything you want is at your bidding. New England (she’s a trump!) can take care of herself; let the storm threaten as it may, she never trips. We must do for Kentuck and Carolina:—the black pig must have his swill if the rest find an empty trough.’ ’Thank you! thank you! General; our States will stand firm to you—Bunkum himself never will forsake you;’ spoke thus thankfully the ghost of the old man as it took leave of the old General and disappeared. Here I awoke from my dream to painful reflections.
A MORNING ADVENTURE.
“As Uncle Sam is equally careless of his language and cash, he will excuse a crooked beginning and accept a straight ending. Contemplating my crooked dream I confess I waked up without a straight idea in my head. The fact was, I was waked up with such an incomprehensible jingling, ringing, rumbling, and gonging, that I mistook its purport, and thought the Russians were bombarding the house. I was about looking out of the window to see if the White House was all safe, when a negro with a countenance blacker than vengeance protruded his fizzy head into the door, and without a morsel of knocking commenced grinning. ‘Anything wanted for Major Smooth?’ inquires he; and without waiting for an answer, catches up the bed, Smooth and all the fixins, and set them somewhat aside. ‘Not so fast, Cuff!’ said I; ‘Smooth is no Major—plain Mister Smooth from the Cape.’
“‘Lor, Mas’r’ replied the negro, interrupting me; ’when in Washington t’wont do to be a mite less than a Major-General. Every man what come to dis city widout his title better come widout himself. Our clerk what stand at the hogany counter be a General,—Jones, the ostler, be a Colonel; and Wilkes what keep the oyster shop ober yonder be a Major! As for Captains, they are as thick and of as little use as blackbirds. Will you take somethin?’ The sagacious negro bowed, and waited for a reply. I told him that being invited to a fish breakfast with the General at the ‘White House,’ I would forbear to liquor until I had made my bow.