“’The Squire’s a humbug!—he is!—I’ll blow the Court to thunder. Just clar the kitchen,’ cried out the skipper, stripping off his coat, as if to have a tug and hug with the Squire, who at that moment wanted to get a word in edgewise. The next Smooth saw, the Squire was letting fly at Hornblower’s head the law-book; which rather summary demonstration was replied to by a stream of tobacco juice, with which Hornblower blinded the Squire, setting him nearly frantic. By the way, the law-book missed its intended object, and stormed the end of Uncle Seth Sprague’s nose, nearly knocking off an inch or two.
“’Now, if that is Colonial law, Squire, I think how a little home-made Yankee justice won’t be a bad application,’ said Hornblower, making ready to administer the medicine; then he squared off, and sent his mauler right into the Squire’s dumplin depot, so sharp and strong, as to produce a decided conviction. At length the Squire was floored, and found working the rule of three on the boards. Here the diplomacy became so warm, that Smooth having the very highest regard for Mr. Pierce and his fighting diplomatists who deemed getting up duels, and writing down editors very necessary preliminaries to their mission, thought he would withdraw, leaving the intricacy to Hornblower’s settlement, seeing that he was producing the strongest kind of notes and protocols.
SMOOTH SETTLES ALL INTERNATIONAL DIFFICULTIES.
“Smooth, on returning to the arms of Mr. Pierce, concluded it would not be bad policy to touch at Halifax, meet Uncle John Bull’s Commissioner, and with him make a final settlement of all international questions. And now, being alongside of George’s Island, which rises abruptly in the centre of Halifax harbor, and nearly opposite the old tower on Point Pleasant—and from which a splendid view of the surrounding country may be obtained, I feel a desire to relate some scenes of singular import which have been enacted in this place. My respect for the feelings of great men and governors, however, causes me to withhold some few of them. Indeed, my character for modesty being pretty well established, I am more than cautions how I bring it in contact with the nervous system of such gentry. Nevertheless, seeing that not uncommonly the greatest and most powerful nations turn the smallest beings into very great men, and spend no end of money to do nobody any good, a short, and I may say, a very modest account from the catalogue of my experience, may not be out of place. Well, I, Smooth, Minister-in-General to General Pierce, received, in addition to my own previous conclusion, an incentive to the object in view, conveyed in a dispatch from my Grandpapa Marcy, in which he advised the repairing immediately to Halifax, there to witness the grand battle that was to for ever settle the fish question, and give peace to fishermen and fish in general.