on his head with fright, to bring me a spittoon—felt
sorry I neglected to import one from some of our European
Legations!—or I’d hurl the liquid
every which way—perhaps storm his high-colored
Persian rugs! I was about to lay off in the very
bliss of comfort, when Pierce, followed by his black
pig, came laraping into the room, looking as amiable
and undecided as ever. ‘Smooth,’ he
exclaimed, greeting me with a heartiness of hand little
expected, ’I am so glad to see you home once
more!’ Here he suddenly paused, gave out ominous
looks, lowered his voice to a whisper, and continued:
’In the name of forgiveness, where did you contract
such manners?’ A little cold sweat bespread
his brow just then. ’Upon the faith of my
high position,’ he continued, ’I thought
my sending you to Europe would have proved a polishing
machine, and prepared you for shining in society.’
“‘Mr. Smooth,’ I modestly returned,
’would prefer the General sat down and calmly
listen to how he came by his pretty manners. Somebody
has said, a man was known by the society he keeps.
Be this as it may, General, I don’t come here
to cast a single reflection on you; nor would I proclaim
to the fellow citizens of these United States that
you are in any wise accountable for what I am going
to say and disclose.’ The General, somewhat
struck by my demeanor, took a seat, nervously, and
applied his ear, while I extinguished the cigar, and
commenced summoning my thoughts. ’Having
no manners when I left home, General, I naturally
depended for them upon those whom my mission brought
me in contact with. Now, General!—and
this I would were held strictly confidential between
ourselves—when I got on the other side
of the water, (here I gave him a touch he understood),
being your Minister in General I naturally fell in
and associated with your Ministers in particular;
and such a lot they were! I couldn’t trust
my virtue in the company of one of them: albeit,
in their company, you were sure not to get into decent
society. Foreign victims of misgovernment had
long viewed America as a land from whence came the
plain unostentatious gentleman of sense. How sad
to think that they had of late been so grievously
disappointed! They are only men of coarse manners,
and low of bringing up, assuming the democrat, while
aping the snobism of the aristocrat. General,
they are of your own selecting; and, mark me, I only
name it here out of sincere regard for you, not expecting
it to get abroad. In fact, General, the people
of Europe find they have been deluded. They see
us affecting contempt for the very fooleries we seek
to imitate; they see these, your chosen, playing the
coarse ruffian to the end. To the foreign mind
Americans are America—to its chosen they
look for the embodiment of its institutions It cannot
comprehend that the mongrel-mixture you have sent
abroad constitute the very essence of that ill opinion
gained of us by misrepresentation. This, General,
is strictly private—only intended for your
Print
Word
PDF
