The Adventures of My Cousin Smooth eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 320 pages of information about The Adventures of My Cousin Smooth.
be it known over the broad acres of this land, I added, has a spirit above living on government:  she turned disdainfully from the means that were fast turning the functions of government into a machine for grinding out patronage—­she never sacrificed Uncle Sam for the sake of what is in his tin-trunk.  At this, which he was pleased to call an expletive, he begun to summon his dignity:  at once he stiffened in a manner that proved how much superior to me he considered himself, and how much more of Uncle Sam’s shiners were necessary to his conceived maintenance.  ’Cape Cod is the place,’ says he folding his arms, moving to a more piquant position, giving his person a little more importance, and making a target of the brightly polished stove, against which he permitted a well-directed stream of dark fluid to explode ere he wiped his lips.—­’Cape Cod is the place from whence all persons come who profess to be born free and equal; but they are a scrubby set—­’ Considering it a duty I owed to the nation, I again interrupted him.  ‘Cape Cod,’ replied I, ’has got gumption, principle, and the spirit of a go-ahead in her:  she germinated the Young American party.  Understand, citizen, (here I found spunk was necessary), a cape-coaster can at any time boast a full fair of fish; if he draw them from Mr. John Bull’s waters, so much the better.  He is no stranger to Mr. John Bull, whom he esteems rather a dogged fellow, pugnaciously inclined at times, but never so bad as he seems; and though stubbornly behind the age of progress, nor willing to believe in the principles of manifest destiny, often improves upon acquaintance.’

“‘Good night, Mr. Smooth,’ said he hurriedly; ’when you tie up for the night—­remember me—!  Hope to see you bright in the morning.’  Off, like the handle of a jug, he went.  And now it being time to stow myself away, I hailed for a pilot to navigate me safe into the seventh story.  My fat friend at the counter, whose eyes were becoming leaden, rung again the bell, and out scampered some dozen darkies from nobody could discern where.  I looked at the negroes with an expression of excitement, and then, somewhat alarmed:—­’Stranger,’ says I, ’these ‘ere niggers a’int all going to put me through, be they?’ He said he reckoned one would do; and to a question as to what time I would complete the journey to bed, he replied that seeing I was of the Young American stripe, and that the distinguished of that party could do almost anything, provided I started soon I would reach the destination about midnight.  ’Now, providing it’s any accommodation, Mr. Smooth, we can send you to bed by steam.  Say the word and up you’ll go!’ he rapidly concluded, rapping with his fingers on the big book he had so leisurely laid aside for the night, there being no chance of another customer being caught this side of twelve o’clock.  I shook my head and moved off, telling him I did not appreciate being busted up.  ’Ain’t a mite of danger!’ says he:  ’why,

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The Adventures of My Cousin Smooth from Project Gutenberg. Public domain.
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