I had not long to wait for an answer, and it showed me that He whom I love is never at a loss, for without changing my way, He sent me this great trial; and thus mingled a healing bitterness with all the sweet. ______________________________

[1] Cf.  Rom. 8:15.

[2] Exod. 9:16.

[3] Cf.  Ps. 33[34]:6.

[4] Ps. 111[112]:4.

[5] Prov. 18:19.

[6] John 10:12.

[7] Cf. 2 Kings 16:10.

[8] Mark 7:28.

[9] Cf.  Luke 14:12, 13, 14.

[10] 2 Cor. 9:7.

[11] Matt. 25:40.

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CHAPTER XI A CANTICLE OF LOVE

It is not only when He is about to send me some trial that Our Lord gives me warning and awakens my desire for it.  For years I had cherished a longing which seemed impossible of realisation—­to have a brother a Priest.  I often used to think that if my little brothers had not gone to Heaven, I should have had the happiness of seeing them at the Altar.  I greatly regretted being deprived of this joy.  Yet God went beyond my dream; I only asked for one brother who would remember me each day at the Holy Altar, and He has united me in the bonds of spiritual friendship with two of His apostles.  I should like to tell you, dear Mother, how Our Divine Master fulfilled my desire.

In 1895 our holy Mother, St. Teresa, sent my first brother as a gift for my feast.  It was washing day, and I was busy at my work, when Mother Agnes of Jesus, then Prioress, called me aside and read me a letter from a young Seminarist, in which he said he had been inspired by St. Teresa to ask for a sister who would devote herself specially to his salvation, and to the salvation of his future flock.  He promised always to remember this spiritual sister when saying Mass, and the choice fell upon me.  Dear Mother, I cannot tell you how happy this made me.  Such unlooked-for fulfillment of my desire awoke in my heart the joy of a child; it carried me back to those early days, when pleasures were so keen, that my heart seemed too small to contain them.  Years had passed since I had tasted a like happiness, so fresh, so unfamiliar, as if forgotten chords had been stirred within me.

Fully aware of my obligations, I set to work, and strove to redouble my fervour.  Now and again I wrote to my new brother.  Undoubtedly, it is by prayer and sacrifice that we can help our missionaries, but sometimes, when it pleases Our Lord to unite two souls for His Glory, He permits them to communicate their thoughts, and thus inspire each other to love God more.  Of course an express command from those in authority is needed for this, otherwise, it seems to me, that such a correspondence would do more harm than good, if not to the missionary, at least to the Carmelite, whose manner of life tends to continual introversion.  This exchange of letters, though rare, would occupy her mind uselessly; instead of uniting her to God, she would perhaps fancy she was doing wonders, when in reality, under cover of zeal, she was doing nothing but producing needless distraction. —­And here am I, launched, not upon a distraction, but upon a dissertation equally superfluous.  I shall never be able to correct myself of these lengthy digressions which must be so wearisome to you, dear Mother.  Forgive me, should I offend again.