CHARIVARIA.

We understand that it has now been decided that the Ex-Kaiser will travel to England for his trial by way of the Channel Tunnel.

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A new coal war is anticipated by The Daily Express.  The difficulty is in knowing where the last coal war ended and this one will begin.

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We understand that the Government fixture card is not yet complete and they still have a few open dates for Peace Conferences (away matches) for medium teams.

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The world’s largest blasting-furnace has been opened at Ebbw Vale.  It is expected however that others will flare up immediately the CHANCELLOR’S proposals go through.

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“Militarism has created a dragon whose fangs will never properly be drawn,” announces a writer in a Sunday paper.  This charge against Mr. Winston CHURCHILL’S dentist is, in our opinion, most unkind.

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The report that the Turks had appealed to the Allies to stop the new war in Asia Minor turns out to be incorrect.  What the Turks demand is that the Allies shall stop the Greek end of it.

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“I would like to take a great piece of England back to America as a souvenir of the happy time I have recently spent there,” exclaimed Miss Mary Pickford to a reporter in Belgium.  Arrangements, we hear, are now being hastily made to offer her the whole of Ireland if she will take it away during this month.

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According to a local paper a lawyer living in Birmingham, returning unexpectedly from the theatre, discovered two burglars at work in his library.  It is reported, however, that the intruders with great presence of mind immediately retained him for their defence.

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Several workhouses in the South of England now possess tennis-courts and bowling-greens.  It is satisfactory to note that preparations are at last being made to receive the New Poor.

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We are glad to learn that the two members of a well-known club in the City who inadvertently took away their own umbrellas have now agreed to exchange same, so that the reputation of the club shall not suffer.

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A Warwickshire miner summoned for not sending his child to school is reported to have pleaded that he saw a red triangle danger notice above the word “school” and therefore kept his daughter away.

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“We must have support,” said the postmaster-general last week.  We can only say that we always buy our stamps at one of his post-offices.

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A little domestic tragedy was enacted in London last week.  It appears that a small boy, on being offered a penny by his mother, who had just returned from the winter sales, refused it, saying that he was not allowed to accept money from strangers.