The Fat of the Land eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 338 pages of information about The Fat of the Land.

“But, me friend Jarvis, what is this you have on your face?  Pond’s Extract!  Oh, murder!  What is the world coming to when fresh beef and usquebaugh are crowded to the wall by bad-smelling water!  Look at me nose; it is as straight as God made it, and yet many a time it has been knocked to one side of me face or spread all over me features.  Nothing but whiskey and raw beef could ever coax it back!  It’s God’s mercy if you are not deformed for life, me friend.  Such privileges are not to be neglected with impunity.  Let me bathe your face with whiskey and put a beef-steak poultice after it, and I’ll have you as handsome as a girl in three days.”

“Give me the steak and whiskey inside and I’ll feel handsome at once,” said Jarvis.

“Oh, the rashness of youth!” said Sir Tom.  “But I’ll not say a word against it.  Youth is the greatest luck in the world, and I’ll not copper it.”

And then our sporting friend grew reminiscent and told of a time at Limmer’s when the marquis and he occupied beds in the same room, not unlike our boys’ room—­only smoky and dingy—­and poulticed their battered faces with beef, and used usquebaugh inside and outside, after ten friendly rounds.

“Queensbary’s nose never resumed entirely after that night, but mine came back like rubber.  Maybe it was the beef—­maybe it was usquebaugh; me own preference is in favor of the latter.”

Sir Tom came every day so long as the boys were confined to the place, and each day he was able to develop some new incident connected with the battle which called for applause.  After hearing Lars tell his story for the fourth time, he gave him a ten-dollar note, saying:—­

“You did nobly for a Swede, Mr. Gustavus Adolphus, but I would give ten tenners to have had your place and your shillalah,—­a Swede for a match-lock, but an Irishman for a stick.”

Jack had hardly recovered when he was waited on by a committee from the mine with a request that he would make another speech.  He was asked to make good his offer of bonding the property, and also to formulate a plan of cooperation for the guidance of the men.  Jack had the plans for a cooperative mining village well digested, and was anxious to get them before the miners.  As soon as he was fit he went to Gordonville to try to organize the work.  Jarvis of course went with him, and Bill Jackson and Sir Tom would not be denied; they did not say so, but they looked as if they thought some diversion might be found.  In spite of the influence of strong whiskey, however, the meeting passed off peacefully.  The results that grew from this effort at reformation were so great and so far-reaching that they deserve a book for their narration.



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The Fat of the Land from Project Gutenberg. Public domain.
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