I must close and get a bit of sleep.  It seems as if, when it is all over, all the heaven I will want, is to be with you and son again, perfectly quiet.

AT SEA, NOVEMBER 16.

[Sidenote:  True democracy is in a way inefficient.]

I think a true democracy is necessarily inefficient in a way.  The only really efficient government in the world is the one which we intend to pull down, or else go down ourselves, trying to!

Can’t you imagine, in the dim Valhalla beyond, how the archer of Pharaoh, the swordsman from the plains before Troy, and the Roman legionary will greet the hurrying souls of the aviator, the bomb-thrower, and the bayonet-man with, “Brother, what were you?”

I’d hate to have to explain to their uncomprehending ears what a conscientious objector is!

DECEMBER 2.

[Sidenote:  Assuming command.]

Well, to-day is one of the big days of my life, for I assumed command of this little packet.  I put on my sword and fixings and reported to Captain Paine, who was most benevolent.  Several of us went on shore to celebrate with a little dinner.  Some of the boys just over joined in, and we became involved with some Highland officers of a fighting regiment famous throughout Europe for the last three hundred years.  One’s first ship, like the first baby is an event that cannot be duplicated.

DECEMBER 21.

[Sidenote:  A jammed rudder leaves the destroyer unmanageable.]

I needed your letter, being about twenty years older than I was a week ago.  No, no harm done.  Just had my first experience of what it means under certain circumstances to be in command.  Went out with certain others on a certain job.  All went well, though we had a poor grade of oil in our bunkers and were burning more than we should ordinarily.  Then, through certain chances, we had to go farther than expected.  Still, I figured to get back with a moderate margin, when the gale struck us.  You may have read of Biscay storms; well, believe me, they are not over-rated.  I have seen just as bad, perhaps, but not from the deck of a destroyer.  And while I am frantically calculating whether I shall have enough fuel to make port or not, there is a wild yell from the bridge that the rudder is jammed at hard-a-starboard and can’t be moved.  She, of course, at once fell off into the trough of the sea, and the big green combers swept clear over her at every roll, raising merry hob.  All the boats were smashed to kindling-wood; chests, and everything on deck not riveted down, went over the side.  In that sea you could no more manoeuvre by your engines alone than you could dam Niagara with a handful of sand.  A man alongside of me aft, where we were working on the steering-gear, was swept overboard, but, having a line around his waist, was hauled back like a hooked fish.