Plato, I remember, offers at a Reason in Nature for such Conversations. He tells us, that at first Mankind were made with Two Heads, Four Arms, Four Legs, and so every Way double: that of these, there were three Sorts; some, double Men; some, double Women; and some Hermaphrodites. Jupiter, upon an Offence committed, split them all into Two’s; from whence arises in Mankind that Desire of a Companion, as his other half to perfect his Being. The Consequence of this Division was, that they, who in their original State were double Men, are still fond of the Ganymede’s with smooth Chins; and they, who were at first double Women, are at this Day enamoured of their own Sex, and Platonicks as to any Commerce with Ours.
I have heard so much to the Disadvantage of these Inamorata’s, that I consider a Man, who is link’d to such a Wife, in the State of the Lover and his Two Mistresses in the Fable. The one, who was a little turned in Years, pulled out all his black Hairs, to make him look nearer to her Standing: and the other, who was in her Bloom, pick’d out all the grey ones, that the World might not suspect she had an Old Man; ’till between them, they made him as bald as Father Time himself.
I shall conclude with the Story of an unfortunate Gentleman, who had suffer’d heavily in this Way, and went abroad to avoid his Slavery. As he was travelling from Madrid to Valladolid, he found himself belated, and wanted to take up his Night’s Quarters in some middle Place. He was informed, the nearest Way would bring him to a small Village, call’d Douegnas; which with us would be the Village of Governesses. But is there no other Place, said he, within some reasonable Distance, either short of, or beyond it? They told him, No, unless it were at a Gallows. Nay, there shall be my Quarters then, said he, I am resolved; for a Thousand Gibbets are not so bad to me as One Douegna.
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Printed for W. BOREHAM, at the Angel in Pater-Noster-Row, where Advertisements and Letters from Correspondents are taken in.
By Sir JOHN FALSTAFFE.
To be Continued every Tuesday and Saturday.
[Greek: Kronides phrenas exeleto Zeus].
Tuesday, April 26. 1720.