6.—­Six sharp toots from the horn of a Gas Carryall is a signal to conductors and motormen that they must, without any unnecessary delay, lift their cars from the rails and place them on the sidewalk.  If the passengers in the cars so signalled offer any objections, the policemen on that beat will take the offenders to the nearest automobile garage and compel them to drink gasoline.

7.—­One long and one short toot means that everybody in the neighborhood not in a Bubble must start promptly for the woods.  Failure to observe this rule will justify any chauffeur in chasing the offender seventy-six consecutive miles in a southwesterly direction.

8.—­Long and continued applause from the horn on any Rowdy Runabout means that the chauffeur has lost the combination on his brain cells, and is suffering severely from stage fright, superinduced by the sudden appearance of a coal cart directly in his pathway.  In a predicament of this kind strict guiding rules cannot be laid down, but no blame can attach to the automobilist if he climbs over the tailboard of the vehicle and adds a new series of phrenological bumps to the suburban part of the head of the offending coal cart director.

9.—­If the foregoing rules are carefully observed there is no occasion for further instructions, and automobubbling will become a thing of pleasure and a joy forever.

LITTLE BLASTS OF HOT AIR.

Life is a tragedy, and that’s the best reason why it should be well acted.

What a lot of motive-power is wasted by those who jolly other people along.

A fault-finder is a home-made knocker.

Every woman jumps quickly from mice and at conclusions.

“Don’t be a clam,” must be wisdom on the half shell.

The man who means everything he says is generally a stingy talker.

Hot air is mighty, and will prevail in politics.

A fool and his money is the root of much laughter.

INSOMNIA.

How to Effect a Permanent and Lasting Cure.

1.—­Lie perfectly still and count 287,643 in a slow, methodical manner.  By the time you have finished counting it will be daylight, and you will be surprised to notice how quickly the night has passed.

2.—­Always partake of a bountiful repast before retiring, giving special attention to a lobster salad, welsh rarebit and hard-boiled eggs.  This will, no doubt, give you delirium tremens, night-mare, St. Vitus’ dance and indigestion, but the pleasing thought will remain that you have kept the rest of the household awake as well as yourself.

3.—­Always undress in the dark.  When you have broken three chairs, upset the centre table and stepped on six assorted tacks, you will realize what a stupid habit sleeping is anyway, and your senses will have become so acute that you will want to sit up and read the Family Story Paper during that portion of the night which has not been devoted to swearing.