He had scarcely reached home again when the bell rang furiously and an excited voice was wafted in from the porch:
“Foh de Lawd’s sake! won’t you-all tell Marse Bob please not to go out no moh till I kin git his clo’es round to him?’”
“Did you hear about the defacement of Mr. Skinner’s tombstone?” asked Mr. Brown a few days after the funeral of that eminent captain of industry.
“No, what was it?” inquired his neighbor curiously.
“Someone added the word ‘friends’ to the epitaph.”
“What was the epitaph?”
“‘He did his best.’”
This is the way the agent got a lesson in manners. He called at a business office, and saw nobody but a prepossessing though capable-appearing young woman.
“Where’s the boss?” he asked abruptly.
“What is your business?” she asked politely.
“None of yours!” he snapped. “I got a proposition to lay before this firm, and I want to talk to somebody about it.”
“And you would rather talk to a gentleman?”
“Well,” answered the lady, smiling sweetly, “so would I. But it seems that it’s impossible for either one of us to have our wish, so we’ll have to make the best of it. State your business, please!”
“Look here,” yelled the infuriated bridegroom of a day, dashing wildly into the editor’s room of the country weekly; “what do you mean by such an infernal libel on me in your account of our wedding?”
“What’s the matter?” asked the editor calmly. “Didn’t we say that after your wedding tour you would make your home at the Old Manse?”
“Yes,” howled the newly made benedict, “and just see how you’ve spelled it.”
And the editor looked and read:
After their wedding tour the newly married
make their home at the Old Man’s.
“Children,” said the Sunday-school superintendent, “this picture illustrates to-day’s lesson: Lot was warned to take his wife and daughters and flee out of Sodom. Here are Lot and his daughters, with his wife just behind them; and there is Sodom in the background. Now, has any girl or boy a question before we take up the study of the lesson? Well, Susie?”
“Pleathe, thir,” lisped the latest graduate from the infant class, “where ith the flea?”
The American characteristic which demands ornaments and “fixin’s” to all ceremonies, as contrasted with genuine simplicity, is thus scored by Judge Pettingill of Chanute: