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Best Short Stories eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 132 pages of information about Best Short Stories.

KNEW MORE ABOUT HENS THAN HISTORY

After reading the famous poem, “The Landing of the Pilgrim Fathers,” to the class, the teacher said:  “As a drawing exercise suppose you each draw, according to your imagination, a picture of Plymouth Rock.”

All but one little fellow set to work.  He paused and finally raised his hand.

“What is it, Edgar?” the teacher asked.

“Please, ma’am,” Edgar piped out, “do you want us to draw a hen or a rooster?”

CHARITY

Bishop Penhurst was talking, in Boston, about charity.

“Some charities,” he said, “remind me of the cold, proud, beautiful lady who, glittering with diamonds, swept forth from a charity ball at dawn, crossed the frosty sidewalk, and entered her huge limousine.

“A beggar woman whined at the window: 

“‘Could ye give me a trifle for a cup of coffee, lady?’

“The lady looked at the beggar reproachfully.

“‘Good gracious!’ she said.  ’Here you have the nerve to ask me for money when I’ve been tangoing for you the whole night through!  Home, James.’

“And she snapped the window shut in the beggar’s face indignantly.”

ADVICE TO MABEL

A London man just back from the States says that a little girl on the train to Pittsburgh was chewing gum.  Not only that, but she insisted on pulling it out in long strings and letting it fall back into her mouth again.

“Mabel!” said her mother in a horrified whisper.  “Mabel, don’t do that.  Chew your gum like a little lady.”

NOT A NATIVE

A New York man took a run not long ago into Connecticut, to a town where he had lived as a boy.

On his native heath he accosted a venerable old chap of some eighty years, who proved to be the very person the Gothamite sought to answer certain inquiries concerning the place.  As the conversation proceeded the New Yorker said: 

“I suppose you have always lived around here?”

“No,” said the old man, “I was born two good miles from here.”

HE GOT IT TWICE

They were twins.  It was bathing time and from the twins’ bedroom came sounds of hearty laughter and loud crying.  Their father went up to find the cause.

“What’s the matter up here?” he inquired.

The laughing twin pointed to his weeping brother.  “Nothing,” he giggled, “only nurse has given Alexander two baths and hasn’t given me any at all.”

TOO MUCH

One of the Scottish golf clubs gives a dinner each year to the youngsters it employs as caddies.  At the feast last year one of the boys disdained to use any of the forks he found at his place, and loaded his food into himself with his knife.  When the ice-cream course was reached and he still used his knife, a boy who sat opposite to him, and who could stand it no longer, shouted: 

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