The quick wit of a traveling salesman, who has since become a well-known proprietor, was severely tested one day. He sent in his card by the office-boy to the manager of a large concern, whose inner office was separated from the waiting-room by a ground-glass partition. When the boy handed his card to the manager the salesman saw him impatiently tear it in half and throw it in the wastebasket; the boy came out and told the caller that he could not see the chief. The salesman told the boy to go back and get him his card; the boy brought out five cents, with the message that his card was torn up. Then the salesman took out another card and sent the boy back, saying: “Tell your boss I sell two cards for five cents.”
He got his interview and sold a large bill of goods.
“Fore!” yelled the golfer, ready to play. But the woman on the course paid no attention.
“Fore!” he shouted again with no effect.
“Ah,” suggested his opponent in disgust, “try her once with ’three ninety-eight’!”
It was in a churchyard. The morning sun shone brightly and the dew was still on the grass.
“Ah, this is the weather that makes things spring up,” remarked a passer-by casually to an old gentleman seated on a bench.
“Hush!” replied the old gentleman. “I’ve got three wives buried here.”
They gave the old lady the only unoccupied room in the hotel—one with a private bath adjoining. The next morning, when the guest was ready to check out, the clerk asked:
“Did you have a good night’s rest?”
“Well, no, I didn’t,” she replied. “The room was all right, and the bed was pretty good; but I couldn’t sleep very much, for I was afraid someone would want to take a bath, and the only way to it was through my room.”
An Ohio man was having a lot of trouble piloting a one-tent show through the Middle West. He lost a number of valuable animals by accident and otherwise. Therefore, it was with a sympathetic mien that one of the keepers undertook the task of breaking the news of another disaster. He began thus:
“Mr. Smith, you remember that laughin’ hyena in cage nine?”
“Remember the laughing hyena?” demanded the owner, angrily. “What the deuce are you driving at?”
“Only this, Mr. Smith: he ain’t got nothing to laugh at this morning.”
Two pals, both recently wedded, were comparing the merits of their wives.
“Ah, yes,” said George, who was still very much in love, “my little woman is an angel! She couldn’t tell a lie to save her life!”