“This takin’ sides jist for the sake uv takin’ sides—­Aw, ’Struth! 
I used to do them things one time, back in me foolish youth. 
  Out There, when I remembered things, I’ve kicked meself reel good. 
  In football days I barracked once red ’ot for Collin’wood.

“I didn’t want to see a game, nor see no justice done. 
It never mattered wot occurred as long as my side won. 
  The other side was narks an’ cows an’ rotters to a man;
  But mine was all reel bonzer chaps.  I was a partisan.

“It might sound like swelled-’ead,” sez Smith.  “But show me, if yeh can....” 
“’Old ’ard,” sez Poole.  “Jist tell me this:  wot is a partisan?”
  Then Digger Smith starts to ixplain; Poole interrupts straight out;
  An’ I wades in to give my views, an’ ’as to nearly shout.

We battles on for one good hour.  My team sleeps where it stands;
An’ Poole ’as tossed the spade away to talk with both ’is ’ands;
  An’ Smith ’as dropped the maul ’e ’ad.  Then I looks round to see
  Doreen quite close.  She smiles at us.  “Winnin’ the war?” sez she.

VII.  A DIGGER’S TALE

A Digger’s Tale

My oath!’ the Duchess sez.  ’You’d not ixpect
  Sich things as that.  Yeh don’t mean kangaroos? 
Go hon!’ she sez, or words to that effect—­
  (It’s ’ard to imitate the speech they use)
I tells ’er, ’Straight; I drives ’em four-in-’and
                                  ‘Ome in my land.’

“You ’ear a lot,” sez little Digger Smith,
  “About ’ow English swells is so stand-off. 
Don’t yeh believe it; it’s a silly myth. 
  I’ve been reel cobbers with the British toff
While I’m on leaf; for Blighty liked our crowd,
                             An’ done us proud.

“Us Aussies was the goods in London town
  When I was there.  If they jist twigged yer ’at
The Dooks would ask yeh could yeh keep one down,
  An’ Earls would ’ang out ‘Welcome’ on the mat,
An’ sling yeh invites to their stately ’alls
                             For fancy balls.

“This Duchess—­I ain’t quite sure uv ’er rank;
  She might uv been a Peeress.  I dunno. 
I meets ’er ’usband first.  ’E owns a bank,
  I ‘eard, an’ ’arf a dozen mints or so. 
A dinkum toff.  ’E sez, ’Come ’ome with me
                        An’ ‘ave some tea.’

“That’s ’ow I met this Duchess Wot’s-’er-name—­
  Or Countess—­never mind ’er moniker;
I ain’t no ’and at this ’ere title game—­
  An’ right away, I was reel pals with ’er. 
’Now, tell me all about yer ‘ome,’ sez she,
                          An’ smiles at me.

“That knocks me out.  I know it ain’t no good
  Paintin’ word-picters uv the things I done
Out ’ome ‘ere, barrackin’ for Collin’wood,
  Or puntin’ on the flat at Flemin’ton. 
I know this Baroness uv Wot-yeh-call
                Wants somethin’ tall.