4.  She must avoid a kind of joking and badinage that should never be heard among well-bred young people in society—­that about courtship and marriage.  Much harm, much blunting of fine sensibilities, much destruction of that delicate modesty which is the priceless dower of young girlhood, comes of such jesting and joking where it is permitted without restraint or reproof.  A young girl may not be called upon to reprove it, but she certainly can shun the company of those who are given to such vulgarity (for no other term will rightly describe it), and she can certainly refrain from joining in any conversation of this description.

Always remember that to be a good converser you must be a good listener.  Very often people acquire a pleasant reputation and popularity in society by the exercise of this talent alone—­that of listening with attention and interest to what other people say.  Be especially careful to avoid interrupting one who is speaking.  Many a fine and noble thought, many an interesting discussion, is broken off and lost by the irrelevant interruption of some thoughtless person.  One reason why the art of conversation has so degenerated in these days is that so few have a real interest in hearing the fine thoughts of good thinker and talkers.  So many people want to talk about themselves, or their affairs, that it is in many circles almost an impossibility to maintain a high and elevating conversation.  Until years and experience, as well as wide reading and information, have given you the right to express freely your opinions in society, it will be well to listen a great deal more than you speak, especially when in the company of your elders.  Avoid all sentimentality, or the discussion of subjects that would expose the private and sacred feelings of the heart.  Do not quote poetry; do not ask people’s opinions on delicate and individual questions.  I have heard a young boarding-school graduate embarrass a whole room-full of excellent and educated people by asking a young gentleman if he did not think Longfellow very inferior to Lowell in his love poems.  Among those of your own age let what you have to say relate to everything more than to the doings or sayings of other people.  In this way you will avoid that bane of social conversation—­gossip.  In all social relations strive to throw your influence for that which is faithful, sincere, kind, generous, and just.  Have a special thought and regard for those who may labor under disadvantages? be especially kind to the shrinking and timid, to the poor and unfortunate.  Strive to be worthy of the confidence and respect and love of your associates, and all your relations to society will be easily and naturally and happily adjusted.

LETTER VI.

Associates and friends.