LETTER I.

Behavior and manners.

My Dear Daughter:—­One of the greatest blessings I could wish for you, as you pass out from the guardianship of home into life with its duties and trials, is that you should possess the power of winning love and friends.  With this power, the poor girl is rich; without it, the richest girl is poor.  In the main, this power of winning friends and love depends upon two things:  behavior and manners.  Between these there is an important distinction, but one is the outgrowth of the other.  The root of good manners is good behavior.  Consider with me for a little what each implies.

Behavior is a revealer of real character.  It has especially to do with the more serious duties and relations of life.  Its greatest importance is in the home.  How well do I remember a visit, made in my youth, to a school friend whom I had learned to admire greatly for her superior intellect, quick wit, power of acquiring knowledge, and ability to recite well in class.  In her home she was rude and disrespectful and even disobedient to her parents; cross and sarcastic with her brothers and sisters; selfish and indolent in all matters pertaining to the work of the household.  What a disenchantment was my experience!  That great and good man, who has written so many noble precepts about the conduct of life, Mr. Emerson, in speaking of and praising a noble citizen, says:  “Never was such force, good meaning, good sense, good action, combined with such lovely domestic behavior, such modesty, and persistent preference for others.”  This was what was lacking in my school friend:  lovely domestic behavior.  Nothing could compensate for this deficiency.

What was needed in this young girl in order that she might have exhibited in her daily life a “lovely domestic behavior”?  An almost total reconstruction of character; such a cultivation of the moral sense as would have made it a matter of conscience with her to “honor her father and mother,” to be respectful to them and desirous of pleasing and serving them.  Selfishness was the main cause of her ill-treatment of her brothers and sisters, as it was of her indolence, and her indifference to the performance of her share of the household duties.  Her behavior in the home was such that she repelled, rather than attracted, affection.  Her own personal preference, mood, feeling, were constantly allowed to control her conduct; and the deep underlying deficiency in her character was lack of a tender conscience and of a sense of duty.

Lovely domestic behavior is the natural outgrowth and expression of a beautiful, harmonious, and lovely character In order to behave beautifully, we must cultivate assiduously the graces of the spirit.  We must persistently strive against selfishness, ill-temper irritability, indolence.  It is impossible for the selfish or ill-tempered girl to win love and friends.  Generosity, kindness, self-denial, industry—­these are the traits which inspire love and win friends.  These are the graces that will make the humblest home beautiful and happy, and without which the costliest mansion is a mere empty shell.