my last voyage, which made a lasting impression on
my mind, and, by the grace of God, proved afterwards
a mercy to me; it caused me to reflect deeply on my
eternal state, and to seek the Lord with full purpose
of heart ere it was too late. I rejoiced greatly;
and heartily thanked the Lord for directing me to
London, where I was determined to work out my own
salvation, and in so doing procure a title to heaven,
being the result of a mind blended by ignorance and
sin.
In process of time I left my master, Doctor Irving,
the purifier of waters, and lodged in Coventry-court,
Haymarket, where I was continually oppressed and much
concerned about the salvation of my soul, and was
determined (in my own strength) to be a first-rate
Christian. I used every means for this purpose;
and, not being able to find any person amongst my
acquaintance that agreed with me in point of religion,
or, in scripture language, ‘that would shew me
any good;’ I was much dejected, and knew not
where to seek relief; however, I first frequented
the neighbouring churches, St. James’s, and others,
two or three times a day, for many weeks: still
I came away dissatisfied; something was wanting that
I could not obtain, and I really found more heartfelt
relief in reading my bible at home than in attending
the church; and, being resolved to be saved, I pursued
other methods still. First I went among the quakers,
where the word of God was neither read or preached,
so that I remained as much in the dark as ever.
I then searched into the Roman catholic principles,
but was not in the least satisfied. At length
I had recourse to the Jews, which availed me nothing,
for the fear of eternity daily harassed my mind, and
I knew not where to seek shelter from the wrath to
come. However this was my conclusion, at all
events, to read the four evangelists, and whatever
sect or party I found adhering thereto such I would
join. Thus I went on heavily without any guide
to direct me the way that leadeth to eternal life.
I asked different people questions about the manner
of going to heaven, and was told different ways.
Here I was much staggered, and could not find any at
that time more righteous than myself, or indeed so
much inclined to devotion. I thought we should
not all be saved (this is agreeable to the holy scriptures),
nor would all be damned. I found none among the
circle of my acquaintance that kept wholly the ten
commandments. So righteous was I in my own eyes,
that I was convinced I excelled many of them in that
point, by keeping eight out of ten; and finding those
who in general termed themselves Christians not so
honest or so good in their morals as the Turks, I
really thought the Turks were in a safer way of salvation
than my neighbours: so that between hopes and
fears I went on, and the chief comforts I enjoyed
were in the musical French horn, which I then practised,
and also dressing of hair. Such was my situation
some months, experiencing the dishonesty of many people
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