The monster’s salient points to
sum,
His heavy breath was portery;
His glowing nose suggested rum;
His eyes were gin-and-wortery.
His dress was torn—for dregs
of ale
And slops of gin had rusted
it;
His pimpled face was wan and pale,
Where filth had not encrusted
it.
“Come, Polter,” said the fiend,
“begin,
And keep the bowl a-flowing
on—
A working-man needs pints of gin
To keep his clockwork going
on.”
Bob shuddered: “Ah, you’ve
made a miss,
If you take me for one of
you—
You filthy beast, get out of this—
Bob Polter don’t want
none of you.”
The demon gave a drunken shriek
And crept away in stealthiness,
And lo, instead, a person sleek
Who seemed to burst with healthiness.
“In me, as your advisor hints,
Of Abstinence you have got
a type—
Of Mr. Tweedle’s pretty prints
I am the happy prototype.
“If you abjure the social toast,
And pipes, and such frivolities,
You possibly some day may boast
My prepossessing qualities!”
Bob rubbed his eyes, and made ’em
blink,
“You almost make me
tremble, you!
If I abjure fermented drink,
Shall I, indeed, resemble
you?
“And will my whiskers curl so tight?
My cheeks grow smug and muttony?
My face become so red and white?
My coat so blue and buttony?
“Will trousers, such as yours, array
Extremities inferior?
Will chubbiness assert its sway
All over my exterior?
“In this, my unenlightened state,
To work in heavy boots I comes,
Will pumps henceforward decorate
My tiddle toddle tootsicums?
“And shall I get so plump and fresh,
And look no longer seedily?
My skin will henceforth fit my flesh
So tightly and so Tweedie-ly?”
The phantom said, “You’ll
have all this,
You’ll know no kind
of huffiness,
Your life will be one chubby bliss,
One long unruffled puffiness!”
“Be off!” said irritated Bob.
“Why come you
here to bother one?
You pharisaical old snob,
You’re wuss almost than
t’other one!
“I takes my pipe—I takes
my pot,
And drunk I’m never
seen to be:
I’m no teetotaller or sot,
And as I am I mean to be!”
[Illustration]
GENTLE ALICE BROWN.
It was a robber’s daughter, and
her name was Alice Brown;
Her father was the terror of a small Italian
town;
Her mother was a foolish, weak, but amiable
old thing;
But it isn’t of her parents that
I’m going for to sing.
As Alice was a-sitting at her window-sill
one day,
A beautiful young gentleman he chanced
to pass that way;
She cast her eyes upon him, and he looked
so good and true,
That she thought, “I could be happy
with a gentleman like you!”