From the moment of my mother’s death untill his departure she never heard him utter a single word:  buried in the deepest melancholy he took no notice of any one; often for hours his eyes streamed tears or a more fearful gloom overpowered him.  All outward things seemed to have lost their existence relatively to him and only one circumstance could in any degree recall him from his motionless and mute despair:  he would never see me.  He seemed insensible to the presence of any one else, but if, as a trial to awaken his sensibility, my aunt brought me into the room he would instantly rush out with every symptom of fury and distraction.  At the end of a month he suddenly quitted his house and, unatteneded [sic] by any servant, departed from that part of the country without by word or writing informing any one of his intentions.  My aunt was only relieved of her anxiety concerning his fate by a letter from him dated Hamburgh.

How often have I wept over that letter which untill I was sixteen was the only relick I had to remind me of my parents.  “Pardon me,” it said, “for the uneasiness I have unavoidably given you:  but while in that unhappy island, where every thing breathes her spirit whom I have lost for ever, a spell held me.  It is broken:  I have quitted England for many years, perhaps for ever.  But to convince you that selfish feeling does not entirely engross me I shall remain in this town untill you have made by letter every arrangement that you judge necessary.  When I leave this place do not expect to hear from me:  I must break all ties that at present exist.  I shall become a wanderer, a miserable outcast—­alone! alone!”—­In another part of the letter he mentioned me—­“As for that unhappy little being whom I could not see, and hardly dare mention, I leave her under your protection.  Take care of her and cherish her:  one day I may claim her at your hands; but futurity is dark, make the present happy to her.”

My father remained three months at Hamburgh; when he quitted it he changed his name, my aunt could never discover that which he adopted and only by faint hints, could conjecture that he had taken the road of Germany and Hungary to Turkey.[10]

Thus this towering spirit who had excited interest and high expectation in all who knew and could value him became at once, as it were, extinct.  He existed from this moment for himself only.  His friends remembered him as a brilliant vision which would never again return to them.  The memory of what he had been faded away as years passed; and he who before had been as a part of themselves and of their hopes was now no longer counted among the living.

CHAPTER II

I now come to my own story.  During the early part of my life there is little to relate, and I will be brief; but I must be allowed to dwell a little on the years of my childhood that it may be apparent how when one hope failed all life was to be a blank; and how when the only affection I was permitted to cherish was blasted my existence was extinguished with it.