hand, informing the waiter the while, that it is a simple debt, and so forth; this really requires nerve.  Great spirits only are equal to it.  It is an innovation upon old, established forms, however absurd—­and innovators bring down upon themselves much obloquy.  To run from the score you have run up—­not to pay your shot, but to shoot from payment—­this is not always safe, and invariably spoils digestion.  No; it is not more honourable—­far from it—­but it is better; for you should strive to become, what is commonly called—­“A Diner Out”—­that is to say, one who continues to sit at the private tables of other men every day of his life, and by his so potent art, succeeds in making them believe that they are very much obliged to him.

How to be this thing—­this “Diner Out”—­I shall teach you, by a few short rules next week.  Till then—­farewell!

* * * * *

Lord William Paget has applied to the Lord Chancellor, to inquire whether the word “jackass” is not opprobrious and actionable.  His lordship says, “No, decidedly, in this case only synonymous.”

* * * * *

THE POLITICAL QUACK.

Sir Robert Peel has convinced us of one thing by his Tamworth speech, that whatever danger the constitution may be in, he will not proscribe for the patient until he is regularly called in.  A beautiful specimen of the old Tory leaven.  Sir Robert objects to give Advice gratis.

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TO FANCY BUILDERS AND CAPITALISTS.

A large assortment of peculiarly fine oyster-shells, warranted fire-proof and of first-rate quality; exquisitely adapted for the construction of grottoes.  May be seen by cards only, to be procured of Mr. George Robins, or the clerks of Billingsgate or Hungerfofd markets.

N.B.—­Some splendid ground at the corners of popular and well-frequented streets, to be let on short leases for edifices of the above description.  Apply as before.

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LITERARY RECIPES.

The following invaluable literary recipes have been most kindly forwarded by the celebrated Ude.  They are the produce of many years’ intense study, and, we must say, the very best things of the sort we have ever met with.  There is much delicacy in M. Ude leaving it to us, as to whether the communication should be anonymous.  We think not, as the peculiarity of the style would at once establish the talented authorship, and, therefore, attempted concealment would be considered as the result of a too morbidly modest feeling.

HOW TO COOK UP A FASHIONABLE NOVEL.