On going forth last night, a friend to see,
  I met a man by trade a s-n-o-b;
  Reeling along the path he held his way. 
  “Ho! ho!” quoth I, “he’s d-r-u-n-k.” 
  Then thus to him—­“Were it not better, far,
  You were a little s-o-b-e-r? 
  ’Twere happier for your family, I guess,
  Than playing off such rum r-i-g-s. 
  Besides, all drunkards, when policemen see ’em,
  Are taken up at once by t-h-e-m.” 
  “Me drunk!” the cobbler cried, “the devil trouble you! 
  You want to kick up a blest r-o-w. 
  Now, may I never wish to work for Hoby,
  If drain I’ve had!” (the lying s-n-o-b!)
  “I’ve just return’d from a tee-total party,
  Twelve on us jamm’d in a spring c-a-r-t. 
  The man as lectured, now, was drunk; why, bless ye,
  He’s sent home in a c-h-a-i-s-e. 
  He’d taken so much lush into his belly,
  I’m blest if he could t-o-dd-l-e. 
  A pair on ’em—­hisself and his good lady;—­
  The gin had got into her h-e-a-d. 
  (My eye and Betty! what weak mortals we are;
  They said they took but ginger b-e-e-r!)
  But as for me, I’ve stuck (’twas rather ropy)
  All day to weak imperial p-o-p. 
  And now we’ve had this little bit o’sparrin’,
  Just stand a q-u-a-r-t-e-r-n!”

* * * * *

A man in New-York enjoys such very excellent spirits that he has only to drink water to intoxicate himself.

* * * * *

TO JOBBING PATRIOTS.

            MR. GEORGE ROBINS.
    with unparalleled gratification, begs to state that he has it in
                Command
  to announce, that in consequence of
        LORD JOHN RUSSELL’S LETTER
  to the citizens of London having satisfactorily convinced her
          MOST GRACIOUS MAJESTY
        that a change of ministry
                CANNOT
  be productive of a corresponding transformation of measures, and that
  the late
        POLITICO-GLADIATORIAL STRUGGLE
  for the guerdon of office could only have emanated from a highly
  commendatory desire on the part of the disinterested and patriotic
  belligerents
          TO SERVE THEMSELVES
            or their country,
          HIS ROYAL MISTRESS,
  ever solicitous to enchain the hearts of her devoted subjects, by an
  impartial exercise of her prerogative, has determined to submit to the
    ARBITRATION OF HIS HUMBLE HAMMER,
  some of those desirable places, so long known as the stimuli to the
            LACTANT LYCURGI
  of the nineteenth century.