Title:  Punch, Or the London Charivari, Volume 103, July 16, 1892

Author:  Various

Release Date:  January 31, 2005 [EBook #14846]

Language:  English

Character set encoding:  ASCII

*** Start of this project gutenberg EBOOK Punch ***

Produced by Malcolm Farmer, William Flis, and the PG Online
Distributed Proofreading Team.

PUNCH,

Or the London charivari.

Vol. 103.

July 16, 1892.

TO THE FIRST BATHING-MACHINE.

(AFTER WORDSWORTH.)

  O blank new-comer!  I have seen,
    I see thee with a start: 
  So gentle looking a Machine,
    Infernal one thou art!

  When first the sun feels rather hot,
    Or even rather warm,
  From some dim, hibernating spot
    Rolls forth thy clumsy form.

  Perhaps thou babblest to the sea
    Of sunshine and of flowers;
  Thou bringest but a thought to me
    Of such bad quarter hours.

  I, grasping tightly, pale with fear,
    Thy very narrow bench,
  Thou, bounding on in wild career,
    All shake, and jolt, and wrench.

  Till comes an unexpected stop;
    My forehead hits the door,
  And I, with cataclysmic flop,
    Lie on thy sandy floor.

  Then, dressed in Nature’s simplest style,
    I, blushing, venture out;
  And find the sea is still a mile
    Away, or thereabout.

  Blithe little children on the sand
    Laugh out with childish glee;
  Their nurses, sitting near at hand,
    All giggling, stare at me.

  Unnerved, unwashed, I rush again
    Within thy tranquil shade,
  And wait until the rising main
    Shall banish child and maid.

  Thy doors I dare not open now,
    Thy windows give no view;
  ’Tis late; I will not bathe, I vow: 
    I dress myself anew.

  Set wide the door.  All round is sea! 
    “Hold tight, Sir!” voices call,
  And in the water, jerked from thee,
    I tumble, clothes and all!

  O blessed thing! this earth we pace
    Thy haunt should never be,
  A quite unmentionable place
    That is fit home for thee!

* * * * *

[Illustration:  Election Intelligence.

Brilliant Elector (at the Polling Station).  “It’s A stoutish KOIND of A man, with A Bald ’ead, as Ar wishes to Vote for, but Ar ’M blessed if Ar know ’is NAAeME!!”]

* * * * *