Peck's Compendium of Fun eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 246 pages of information about Peck's Compendium of Fun.

“Yes,” said the grocery man, as he cut off a piece of limberg cheese and put it on the stove to purify the air in the room, “I should laugh to see myself taking any medicine you put up.  You will kill some one yet, by giving them poison instead of quinine.  But what has your Pa got his nose tied up for?  He looks as though he had had a fight.”

“O, that was from my treatment.  He had a wart on his nose.  You know that wart.  You remember how the minister told him if other peoples’ business had a button hole in it, Pa could button the wart in the button-hole, as he always had his nose there.  Well, I told Pa I could cure that wart with caustic, and he said he would give five dollars if I could cure it, so I took a stick of caustic and burned the wart off, but I guess I burned down into the nose a little, for it swelled up as big as a lobster.  Pa says he would rather have a whole nest of warts than such a nose, but it will be all right in a year or two.”

A LOAN EXHIBITION.

“What is a loan exhibition?” asks a correspondent.  Well, when a fellow borrows ten dollars of you, to be paid next Saturday, and he lets it run a year and a half, and don’t pay it, and he meets you on the street and asks for five dollars more, and you turn him around and kick him right before the crowd, that is a loan exhibition.

THE WICKED MON KEE.

Mon Kee, a Chinaman that was converted to regular United States religious doctrines, and opened a mission in New York for the purpose of converting more heathens and shethens, has been arrested for stealing.  This is a terrible blow, and Mon Kee was a terrible plower.  A few weeks since the religious papers made more blow over the coming into the fold of that Chinaman than they did over all the editors in the country, who went not astray.  Now they have shut up their yawp about him, since he has proved to be no better than Talmage or Beecher.

UNSCREWING THE TOP OF A FRUIT JAR.

There is one thing that there should be a law passed about, and that is, these glass fruit jars, with a top that screws on.  It should be made a criminal offense, punishable with death or banishment to Chicago, for a person to manufacture a fruit jar, for preserving fruit, with a top that screws on.  Those jars look nice when the fruit is put up in them, and the house-wife feels as though she was repaid for all her perspiration over a hot stove, as she looks at the glass jars of different berries, on the shelf in the cellar.

The trouble does not begin until she has company, and decides to tap a little of her choice fruit.  After the supper is well under way, she sends for a jar, and tells the servant to unscrew the top, and pour the fruit into a dish.  The girl brings it into the kitchen, and proceeds to unscrew the top.  She works gently at first, then gets mad, wrenches at it, sprains her wrist, and begins to cry, with her nose on the underside of her apron, and skins her nose on the dried pancake batter that is hidden in the folds of the apron.

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Peck's Compendium of Fun from Project Gutenberg. Public domain.
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