Peck's Compendium of Fun eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 292 pages of information about Peck's Compendium of Fun.

“O, I don’t know.  I think Pa is cruel.  A man who will take a poor kitty by the neck, that hasn’t done any harm, and tries to chastise the poor thing with a trunk strap, ought to be looked after by the humane society.  And if it is cruel to take a cat by the neck, how much more cruel is it to take a boy by the neck, that had diphtheria only a few years ago, and whose throat is tender?  Say, I guess I will accept your invitation to take breakfast with you,” and the boy cut off a piece of bologna and helped himself to the crackers, and while the grocery man was out shoveling off the snow from the sidewalk, the boy filled his pockets with raisins and loaf sugar, and then went out to watch the man carry in his kindling wood.


Another thing that is being largely counterfeited is tripe.  Parties who buy tripe cannot be too careful.  There is a manufactory that can make tripe so natural that no person on earth can detect the deception.  They take a large sheet of rubber about a sixteenth of an inch thick for a background, and by a process only known to themselves veneer it with a Turkish towel, and put it in brine to soak.  The unsuspecting boarding house keeper, or restaurant man buys it and cooks it, and the boarder or transient guest calls for tripe.  A piece is cut off the damnable tripe with a pair of shears used in a tin shop for cutting sheet iron, and it is handed to the victim.  He tries to cut it, and fails; he tries to gnaw it off, and if he succeeds in getting a mouthful, that settles him.  He leaves his tripe on his plate, and it is gathered up and sewed on the original piece, and is kept for another banquet.


On circus day W.H.H.  Cash, the great railroad monopolist of New Lisbon, was in the city.  He had just made a few hundred thousand dollars on a railroad contract, and he decided to expend large sums of money in buying dry goods.  He went into one of our stores and was passing along up the floor, when a black-eyed girl with a dimple in her chin, pearly teeth, red pouting lips, who was behind the counter, shouted, “cash, here!” Mr. Cash turned to her, a smile illuminating his face as big as a horse collar.  He is one of the most modest men in the world, and as he extended his great big horny hand to the girl, a blush covered his face, and the perspiration stood in great beads on his forehead.  “How do yeu dew?” said Cash, as she seemed to shrink back in a frightened manner.  They gazed at each other a moment, in astonishment, when another girl, perhaps a little better looking, further on, said, “Here, Cash, quick!” He at once made up his mind that she was the one that had spoken to him the first time, so he said, “Beg your pardon, miss,” to the black-eyed girl, and went on to where the other girl was wrapping up a corset in a base ball undershirt.  As he approached her she smiled, supposing he wanted to buy something. 

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Peck's Compendium of Fun from Project Gutenberg. Public domain.
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