Peck's Compendium of Fun eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 292 pages of information about Peck's Compendium of Fun.

The regular weekly murder is reported from Peshtigo.  Two men named Glass and Penrue, got to quarreling about a girl, in a hay loft, over a barn.  Glass stabbed Penrue quite a number of times and he died.  There is nothing much more dangerous, unless it is kerosene, than two men and a girl, in a hay loft quarreling.


There is a fearfully harrowing story going the rounds of the papers headed “Ten Days in Love.”  It must have been dreadful, with no Sunday, no day of rest, no holiday, just nothing but love, for ten long days.  By the way, did the person live?


Not many months ago there was a meeting of ministers in Wisconsin, and after the holy work in which they were engaged had been done up to the satisfaction of all, a citizen of the place where the conference was held invited a large number of them to a collation at his house.  After supper a dozen of them adjourned to a room up stairs to have a quiet smoke, as ministers sometimes do, when they got to talking about old times, when they attended school and were boys together, and The Sun man, who was present, disguised as a preacher, came to the conclusion that ministers were rather human than otherwise when they are young.

One two-hundred pound delegate with a cigar between his fingers, blew the smoke out of the mouth which but a few hours before was uttering a supplication to the Most High to make us all good, punched a thin elder in the ribs with his thumb and said:  “Jim, do you remember the time we carried the cow and calf up into the recitation room?” For a moment “Jim” was inclined to stand on his dignity, and he looked pained, until they all began to laugh, when he looked around to see if any worldly person was present, and satisfying himself that we were all truly good, he said:  “You bet your life I remember it.  I have got a scar on my shin now where that d—­blessed cow hooked me,” and he began to roll up his trouser leg to show the scar.  They told him they would take his word, and he pulled down his pants and said: 

“Well, you see I was detailed to attend to the calf, and I carried the calf up stairs, assisted by Bill Smith—­who is preaching in Chicago; got a soft thing—­five thousand a year, and a parsonage furnished, and keeps a team, and if one of those horses is not a trotter then I am no judge of horseflesh or of Bill, and if he don’t put on an old driving coat and go out on the road occasionally and catch on for a race with some wordly-minded man, then I am another.  You hear me—­well, I never knew a calf was so heavy, and had so many hind legs.  Kick!  Why, bless your old alabaster heart, that calf walked all over me, from Genesis to Revelations.  And say, we didn’t get much of a breeze the next morning, did we, when we had to clean out the recitation room?”

[Illustration:  Sacred memories]

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Peck's Compendium of Fun from Project Gutenberg. Public domain.
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