Peck's Compendium of Fun eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 246 pages of information about Peck's Compendium of Fun.
with Pa, cause Ma was called away to attend a baby matinee in the night.  I don’t know how it is, but there never is anybody in our part of town that has a baby but they have it in the night, and they send for Ma.  I don’t know what she has to be sent for every time for.  Ma ain’t to blame for all the young ones in this town, but she has got up a reputashun, and when we hear the bell ring in the night Ma gets up and begins to put on her clothes, and the next morning she comes in the dining room with a shawl over her head, and says, ’its a girl and weighs ten pounds,’ or ‘a boy,’ if it’s a boy baby.  Ma was out on one of her professional engagements, and I got in bed with Pa.  I had heard Pa blame Ma about her cold feet, so I got a piece of ice about as big as a raisin box, just zactly like one of Ma’s feet, and laid it right against the small of Pa’s back.  I couldn’t help laffing, but pretty soon Pa began to squirm and he said, ’Why’n ’ell don’t you warm them feet before you come to bed,’ and then he hauled back his leg and kicked me clear out in the middle of the floor, and said if he married again he would marry a woman who had lost both her feet in a railroad accident.  Then I put the ice back in the bed with Pa and went to my room, and in the morning Pa said he sweat more’n a pail full in the night.  Well, you must excuse me.  I have an engagement to shovel snow off the sidewalk.  But before I go, let me advise you not to drink aignogg, and don’t sell tom cats for rabbits,” and he got out of the door just in time to miss the rutabaga that the grocery man threw at him.

WHAT THE DEMOCRATS WILL DO.

The Wisconsin asks, “What will the Democrats do?” We trust it is not betraying a confidence reposed in us by the manager of a party, but we can not allow our neighbor to remain in such dense ignorance, as long as we are possessed of the desired information.  “What will the Democrats do?” The Democrats will prove an alibi!

A SEWING MACHINE GIVEN TO THE BOSS GIRL.

In response to a request from W.T.  Vankirk, George W. Peck presented the Rock County Agricultural Society with a sewing machine, to be given to the “boss combination girl” of Rock County.  With the machine he sent the following letter, which explains his meaning of a “combination girl,” etc.: 

MILWAUKEE, June 7, 1881.

W.T.  VANKIRK—­Dear Sir: Your letter, in reference to giving some kind of a premium to somebody, at your County Fair, is received, and I have been thinking it over.  I have brought my massive intellect to bear upon the subject, with the follow result: 

I ship you to-day, by express, a sewing machine, complete, with cover, drop leaf, hemmer, tucker, feller, drawers, and everything that a girl wants, except corsets and tall stockings.  Now, I want you to give that to the best “combination girl” in Rock County, with the compliments of the Sun.

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Peck's Compendium of Fun from Project Gutenberg. Public domain.
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