Peck's Compendium of Fun eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 246 pages of information about Peck's Compendium of Fun.

Just as the young gentlemen were about throwing away their last cigar at noon, preparatory to calling at the first place on the list, the fire-bell rang, and there was a lively procession followed the steamer down Fourth street in a few minutes.  It looked as though a wedding had been broken up and bridegrooms were running around loose.  The party arrived at the scene of the fire, which was Matt.  Larsen’s hotel on the corner of Second and King streets, and such a shinning of swallow-tailed coats up blue ladders was never seen.  The fellows that belonged in the house threw out bedsteads and crockery on to stove-pipe hats, and emptied beds on to broadcloth coats.  The wedding party disappeared in the third story window with the hose, in the smoke, and after half an hour’s work they came out looking as though they had been in the Ashtabula railroad accident.  Young Mr. Smith had a stream of dirty water sent up his trousers leg, which went clear up to his collar, and wilted it beyond repair.  Mr. Hatch entwined his doeskin pants around the burnt ridge-pole of the roof, hung on to a rafter with his teeth, and chopped shingles, and the pipemen kept him wet, and he looked like a bundle of damp stuff in a paper mill.  Mr. Spence was on the top of the ladder, and Mr. Drummond was next below him.  In falling, Mr. D. caught hold of one tail of Mr. Spence’s swallow hammer coat, and stretched the tail about two feet longer than the other.  Mr. Foote was as dry as a bone, until the pipeman saw him, and they nailed him up against the wall with a stream and Foote was damp as a wet nurse in a minute.

Young Mr. Osborne, confidential adviser of Hyde, Cargill & Co., got half way up the ladder, and a leak in the hose struck him and froze him to the ladder, and Mr. Watson had to strike a match and thaw him loose.  He wet his pants from Genesis to Revelations, and had to go calling with an ulster overcoat on.  The most of the young men, after returning from the fire, stood by the stove and dried themselves, and went calling all the same, but the girls said they smelt like burnt shingles.  The boys were all dry enough at the dance in the evening.

SOUTHERN “HONAW.”

Bennett and May fought a duel in Maryland the other day, and as near as the truth can be arrived at neither party received a scratch.  But their “honaw” was satisfied.

PECK’S BAD BOY AND HIS PA.

HIS PA KILLS HIM.

“For heaven’s sake dry up that whistling,” said the grocery man to the bad boy, as he sat on a bag of peanuts, whistling and filling his pockets.  “There is no sense in such whistling.  What do you whistle for, anyway?”

“I am practicing my profession,” said the boy, as he got up and stretched himself, and cut off a slice of cheese, and took a few crackers.  “I have always been a good whistler, and I have decided to turn my talent to account.  I am going to hire an office and put out a sign, ’Boy furnished to whistle for lost dogs.’  You see there are dogs lost every day, and any man would give half a dollar to a boy to find his dog.  I can hire out to whistle for dogs, and can go around whistling and enjoy myself, and make money.  Don’t you think it is a good scheme?” asked the boy of the grocery man.

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Peck's Compendium of Fun from Project Gutenberg. Public domain.
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