Peck's Compendium of Fun eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 292 pages of information about Peck's Compendium of Fun.

No, these revisers have done more harm to religion than they could have done by preaching all their lives.  They have opened the ball, and now, every time a second-class dominie gets out of a job, he is going to cut and slash into the Bible.  He will think up lots of things that will sound better than some things that are in there, and by and by we shall have our Bibles as we do our almanacs, annually, with weather probabilities on the margins.

This is all wrong.  Infidels will laugh at us, and say our old Bible is worn out, and out of style, and tell us to have our measure taken for a new one every fall and spring, as we do for our clothes.  If this revision is a good thing, why won’t another one be better?  The woods are full of preachers who think they could go to work and improve the Bible, and if we don’t shut down on this thing, they will take a hand in it.  If a man hauls down the American flag, we shoot him on the spot; and now we suggest that if any man mutilates the Bible, we run an umbrella into him and spread it.

The old Bible just filled the bill, and we hope every new one that is printed will lay on the shelves and get sour.  This revision of the Bible is believed to be the work of an incendiary.  It is a scheme got up by British book publishers to make money out of pious people.  It is on the same principle that speculators get up a corner on pork or wheat.  They got revision, and printed Bibles enough to supply the world, and would not let out one for love or money.  None were genuine unless the name of this British firm was blown in the bottle.

Millions of Bibles were shipped to this country by the firm that was “long” on Bibles, and they were to be thrown on the market suddenly, after being locked up and guarded by the police until the people were made hungry for Bibles.

The edition was advertised like a circus, and doors were to be opened at six o’clock in the morning.  American publishers who wanted to publish the Bible, too, got compositors ready to rush out a cheap Bible within twelve hours, and the Britons, who were running the corner on the Word of God, called these American publishers pirates.  The idea of men being pirates for printing a Bible, which should be as free as salvation.  The newspapers that had the Bibles telegraphed to them from the east, were also pirates.

O, the revision is a three-card monte speculation; that is all it is.


A black bear was brought into town for sale on Friday, having been killed by Tom Rand, near Onalaska.  He killed it with a little rifle that didn’t look big enough to hurt a hen.  If bears are so sociable as to come within sight of La Crosse to be killed, it will be a good excuse for husbands to stay at home nights.


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Peck's Compendium of Fun from Project Gutenberg. Public domain.
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