Peck's Compendium of Fun eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 292 pages of information about Peck's Compendium of Fun.

Peck's Compendium of Fun eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 292 pages of information about Peck's Compendium of Fun.

Attention was first called to the curative powers of the water, by a singular incident.  A teamster whose duty it was to haul stone, was in the habit of stopping at the well to water his mules.  One of the mules was in a sad state.  He was blind in one eye, had a spavin, a ringbone, the heaves, his liver was torpid, his lungs were badly affected, and his friends feared that he was not long for the stone quarry.  He had no family.  Soon after the mule began to drink the water, the driver noticed a great change come over him.  Previously he had seemed resigned to his fate, but latterly he was ambitious.  One day while playfully mashing the mule over the head with a sled stake, the driver noticed that a new eye had grown in the place of the former cavity, and as the mule kicked him with more than his accustomed vigor, he noticed that the spavin and ring bone were gone, and the former plaintive melody of his voice gave place to a bray that resembled the whistle of the Alex.  Mitchell.  When it was known that the mule had been cured, others tried the water, men who had never drank it before, until to-day there are thousands who will testify to the benefits arising from its use.  We could give the names of many who have been snatched from the grave—­the La Crosse water is a regular body snatcher—­but we will first give an analysis of the water.

Believing that the water was destined to play a prominent part in solving the great question of how to euchre death, we sent a quantity of it to the eminent Prof.  Alonzo Brown, M.D.V.S. of Jefferson, Wis., with a letter of transmittal authorizing him to analyze it thoroughly, and give us the result, at our expense.  The following is Prof.  Brown’s analysis: 

LABRATORY JEFFERSON LIVERY STABLE,
August 3, 1877.

Lieut.  GEO. W. PECK,
4th Wis.  Cavalry,

Dear Sir: 

Yours of July 25th, received.  I should have attended to the water before, but have had several cases of blind staggers in my barn, which has kept me busy.  I have examined the water by every process known to science, and pronounce it bully.  I took it apart at my leisure, and find that it contains to one U.S. washtub full, of 741 cubic inches, the following stuff: 

Chloride, of Sodium, (common salt).............2 sacks. 
Chloride of Pilgarlic.....................40,021 grains. 
Bicarbonate of erysipelas.................11,602   "
Bicarbonate of pie plant...................2,071   "
Blue pills................................21,011   "
Bicarbonate of soda water (vanilla.)......17,201   "
Sulphate of Potasalager beer..............61,399   "
Bicarbonate corrugated iron...............18,020 grains. 
Mustang Liniment.............................240   "
Boneset and summer savory.................10,210   "
Dow’s Liver Cure, (6 bottles for $1.).....16,297   "
Bromide of Alcock’s Porous Plaster........22,222   "
Flouride of Pain Killer (for cucumbers,).....055   "
Paris green..................................001   "
Spruce gum and Vinegar Bitters...............075   "

In submitting this analysis permit me to say that I find traces of mock turtle soup, and India Rubber.  I consider the La Crosse Nebecudnezzer water the most comprehensive water that I have ever analyzed, and I would recommend it for any disease that human beings or animals may have.

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Peck's Compendium of Fun from Project Gutenberg. Public domain.