Peck's Compendium of Fun eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 246 pages of information about Peck's Compendium of Fun.

They had some shell oysters, and he took up one on a fork—­a large, fat one—­and was about to put it in his mouth, when the lady on his left called his attention, and when the cold fork struck his teeth, and no oyster on it, he felt as though it had escaped, but he made no sign.  He went on talking with the lady as though nothing had happened.  He glanced down at his shirt bosom, and was at once on the trail of the oyster, though the insect had got about two minutes start of him.  It had gone down his vest under the waistband of his clothing, and he was powerless to arrest its progress.

He said he never felt how powerless he was until he tried to grab that oyster by placing his hand on his person, outside his clothes; then, as the oyster slipped around from one place to another, he felt that man was only a poor, weak creature.

The oyster, he observed, had very cold feet, and the more he tried to be calm and collected, the more the oyster seemed to walk around among his vitals.

He says he does not know whether the ladies noticed the oyster when it started on its travels or not, but he thought, as he leaned back and tried to loosen up his clothing, so it would hurry down toward his shoes, that they winked at each other, though they might have been winking at something else.

The oyster seemed to be real spry until it got out of reach, and then it got to going slow as the slikery covering wore off, and by the time it had worked into his trousers leg, it was going very slow, though it remained cold to the last, and he hailed the arrival of that oyster into the heel of his stocking with more delight than he did the raising of the American flag over Vicksburg, after the long siege.

THE GIDDY GIRLS QUARREL.

A dispatch from Brooklyn states that at the conclusion of a performance at the theatre, Fanny Davenport’s wardrobe was attached by Anna Dickinson and the remark is made that Fanny will contest the matter.  Well, we should think she would.  What girl would sit down silently and allow another to attach her wardrobe without contesting?  It is no light thing for an actress to have her wardrobe attached after the theatre is out.  Of course Fanny could throw something over her, a piece of scenery, or a curtain, and go to her hotel, but how would she look?  Miss Davenport always looked well with her wardrobe on, but it may have been all in the wardrobe.  Without a wardrobe she may look very plain and unattractive.

Anna Dickinson has done very wrong.  She has struck Fanny in a vital part.  An actress with a wardrobe is one of the noblest works of nature.  She is the next thing to an honest man, which is the noblest work, though we do not say it boastingly.  We say she is next to an honest man, with a wardrobe, but if she has no wardrobe it is not right.  However, we will change the subject before it gets too deep for us.

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Peck's Compendium of Fun from Project Gutenberg. Public domain.
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