know what it is to live till you’ve learned to carpent!  It’s positively enthralling!  When we’re skilful enough we’re to go abroad—­ mais il faut se taire! I don’t see why we shouldn’t go now.  We’re as skilful as we shall ever be.  And even if one or two of our huts had no doors what’s that matter?  Besides, a hut with no door has a tremendous pull—­there wouldn’t be any draughts!

Everyone’s furious at the way the powers that be have treated Sybil Easthampton.  You know what a wonderful thing her Ollyoola Love Dance is.  Of course she’s lived among the Ollyoolas and knows them in all their moods.  (They’re natives somewhere ever and ever so far off, where there are palms and coral reefs, and the people don’t believe in wrapping themselves up much.) And so she’s given the dance at a great many War Fund matinees.  That little Mrs. Jimmy Sharpe, daring to criticise it, said there was too much Ollyoola and not enough dance; but everybody who counts simply raves about it.  And then, when some manager person offered Sybil big terms to do it at the “Incandescent,” he was “officially informed” that, if the Ollyoola Love Dance went into the bill the “Incandescent” would be “placed out of bounds”!  What do you, do you think of that, m’amie?  A piece of sheer artistry like the Ollyoola Love Dance to be treated so!  And it’s wonderful not only artistically but scientifically.  Each of dear Sybil’s amazing wriggles and squirms and crouches and springs is absolutely true—­exactly what an Ollyoola does when it’s in love.

We’re all glad to think we can still see the Ollyoola Love Dance at War Fund matinees.

Ever thine,
BLANCHE.

* * * * *

THE SECRETS OF THE SALES.

“A splendid line in corsets, in fine white coutil, usually sold at 14s. 11d., are offered sale at 17s. 11d. each.”—­Fashions for All.

* * * * *

    “BRITISH HARRY THE ENEMY.”—­Provincial Paper.

And all this time the Germans have been under the impression that it was British Tommy.

* * * * *

[Illustration:  ALIMENTARY INTELLIGENCE.

MR. PUNCH.  “DO YOU CONTROL FOOD HERE?”

COMMISSIONAIRE.  “WELL, SIR, ‘CONTROL’ IS PERHAPS RATHER A STRONG WORD.  BUT
WE GIVE HINTS TO HOUSEHOLDERS, AND WE ISSUE ‘GRAVE WARNINGS.’”

(Mr. Punch, however, is glad to note that more drastic regulations are about to be enforced.)]

* * * * *

THE WATCH DOGS.

LIX.