Evelyn to relinquish her career and to turn to the Church!  That might be her motive, she reflected.  Those who have lived in the world are attracted and are interested in each other, and are to some extent alien to the real nun, to her who never doubts her vocation from the first and resolves from the first to bring her virginity to God—­it being what is most pleasing to him.  It might be that the Prioress was influenced, unconsciously, of course, by some such motive; yet it was strange that she should be able to close her eyes to Evelyn’s state of mind.  The poor woman was still distracted and perplexed by a great shock which had happened before she came to the convent and which had been aggravated by another when she went to Rome; she had returned to them as to a refuge from herself.  Such mental crises often happened to women of the world, to naturally pious women; but natural piety did not in the least mean a vocation, and Mother Hilda had to admit to herself that she could discover no sign of a vocation in Evelyn.  How were it possible to discover one?  She was not herself, and would not be for a long while, if she ever recovered herself.  Mother Prioress had chosen to admit her as a postulant....  Even that concession Mother Hilda did not look upon with favour.  Why not go one step farther and make Miss Dingle a postulant?  It seemed to her that if Mother Prioress insisted that Evelyn should take the white veil at present, a very serious step would be taken.  It was the Mistress of the Novices who would be responsible for Evelyn’s instruction, and Evelyn was hardly ever in the novitiate; she was always singing, or working in the garden.

XXIV

“I am afraid, dear Mother, her progress towards recovery is slow.”

“I don’t agree with you.  A great nervous breakdown!  That journey to Rome, only to see her father die before her eyes, was a great shock—­ such a one as it would take anybody a long time to recover from.  Evelyn is very highly-strung, there can be no doubt of that.  I wonder how it is that you don’t understand?”

“But I do understand, dear Mother, only I find it hard to believe that the time has come for her to take the white veil.”

“Or that it will ever come?”

“The other day she said in the novitiate she was sure she would go to hell, and that she wouldn’t be able to bear the uncertainty much longer....”

“What ever did she mean?  You must have misunderstood her, Mother Hilda.”  And the Prioress determined to talk to Evelyn “on the first occasion”—­the first occasion with the Prioress meant the very next minute.  So she went in search of her, and finding her by the fishpond, quite unaware that any one was watching her, the thought crossed the Prioress’s mind that Hilda might be right after all:  Evelyn might be sitting there thinking how, after a short struggle, the water would end the misery that was consuming her.