THE COVENT GARDEN MASQUE.

  Mumming—­masking—­masquerading;
  Fanning—­fun—­fanfaronading;
  Dancing—­duncing—­deft disguises;
  Singing—­supping—­strange (sur) prizes;
  Galloping and gallivanting
  Couples much in need of banting;
  All the customary make-up
  CLARKSON’s customers can fake up;
  All the little childish raiment,
  Fatties don—­for sylph and fay meant;
  Tally-hos and Hey-no-nonnies: 
  Jackies—­Jillies—­Jennies—­Johnnies—­
  Barber’s blockhead—­nothing dafter—­
  Heralding “Before and After”: 
  “Auntie’s Bottle Hot”—­a phial
  Only for external trial—­
  Gems of London—­gems of Paris—­
  Arid gusts—­Augustus Harris—­
  Splitting mirth—­some garbs that split, too—­
  Aching heads next morning, ditto!

* * * * *

To be avoided.—­An Intemperate tone by a Temperance lecturer.

* * * * *

[Illustration:  Benevolent Stranger.  “Allow me, sir, to Offer you A drink!”

Unfortunate Sportsman (just out of Brook).  “Thanks; but I’ve had A Drop too much already!”]

* * * * *

Respectability.

    ["What is Respectability?”—­Daily Telegraph, Jan. 12.]

  It’s having money at the Bank. 
  It’s being a personage of rank. 
  It’s having spent three years at College
  With great, or little, gain of knowledge. 
  It’s going to Church twice every Sunday,
  And keeping in with Mrs. Grundy. 
  It’s clothes well-cut, and shiny hat,
  And faultless boots, and nice cravat. 
  It may be Law, or Church, or Ale,
  Or Trade—­on a sufficient scale. 
  It’s being “something in the City.” 
  It’s carefully to shun being witty. 
  It’s letting tradesmen live on credit. 
  It’s “Oof”—­to earn it, or to wed it.

* * * * *

Professor Jolly, of Berlin, who, if his name express his disposition, ought to be a follower of Mark Tapley, reckons that twenty-five per cent. of the inmates of asylums have been inebriates.  Is the Professor “Jolly well right?”

* * * * *

A dialogue of the future.

    Scene—­Rooms of a Cambridge Tutor.

    Persons—­A Tutor and an Undergraduate.

Tutor.  I understand you were at Newmarket yesterday.  Is that so?

Undergraduate.  It is.  I was.

[Illustration]

Tutor.  A shameless avowal.  Are you aware that you have broken one of the disciplinary regulations of your College?  I fear I must punish you severely.  Have you anything to say why sentence should not be passed upon you. [Assumes the black College Cap.